ebbie mae

30 weeks - A quick recap (I like italics)

2011-12-18T11:05:00.000-05:00

The last thing I felt like doing this week was posing for any pictures. Monday morning at 9am I woke up to the phone ringing. Someone from the government had finally (a month and a half later) looked into my claim for maternity leave. Relief. Excitement. Thank god, thank god. Turns out though, that I only had 568 of the required 600 insurable hours worked to qualify for mat-leave-ei. What?! That's impossible!.. I barked, jumping out of bed. I tracked my total hours worked to the minute, every day, until my last day on November 2nd. I was told how to do this by a team manager - someone who I stupidly trusted with this kind of information. I told the lady on the phone that I definitely had 600 hours. In fact, I had 605.something hours. Something must be wrong. Panic. Fret. Worry. Tears. Frustration.

Ten minutes later I get another phone call. The same lady had called the human resources department at my job and verified that I was wrong. The way I was shown how to track my hours was incorrect and didn't give an accurate number. I am 32 hours short for maternity leave. This means no money - at all. I thought I was entitled to and paid in for over a year (counting the sick-leave I've been on for pain for a month and a half). But no, I wouldn't be getting anything and my claim was teetering on the edge of being denied. I was told that I could dispute it with the HR department. I called to speak to the woman who handled my leave of absence (LOA/sick leave/whatever) and was greeted by someone who told me I was wrong, it's not their responsibility, tough luck. I demanded a print out of the program that tracks the hours and promptly hung up on her. Anger. Rage. More tears. Keep in mind this all occurred before 930am on Monday morning - just hours before Blaine's first exam of the season.

Blaine went to school and I went to pick up the print out. It did show the hours that I thought it would but it also had a handy little note written on it explaining just how wrong I was - and after doing some math, it was confirmed. I relied on incorrect information from some random person and a computer program to keep track of something as important as my insurable hours for maternity leave. I spent the rest of the afternoon crying at my Mom's house and missed my last prenatal appointment of the year. I was advised to apply for social assistance - though we don't qualify because Blaine makes too much money going to school *head desk.* I gave the lady from the government the new information I had, was informed that my claim would be denied, and I started looking into my options. After a couple days of pondering, I decided to ask my Doctor when I saw her on Friday to write me a note saying I could return to work if she considered it to be safe. I would call HR and apologize for being so insufferably rude and beg them to take me back to work. Less than a week before Christmas. Please. Please. Please. Yes, I'll be leaving again in a few weeks for maternity-leave-for-real-real. Please. I have had massive anxiety about this entire situation for a week and have literally made myself sick with worry.

I told my Doctor that the back pain had improved (which is the honest truth, I don't sit in a computer chair for 10 hours a day anymore ....) and she told me that this wasn't the first time people have had to return to this particular place of work due to short-hours. I got my note. I called Friday afternoon and was surprised that the HR rep wasn't pissed off, and she actually thanked me for apologizing and assured me I could be worked into the schedule by Tuesday.

So there we have it folks. I will be returning to call center hell on Tuesday. I will work through Christmas and New Years - with no money, might I add - and hopefully leave again before the end of the first week of January. 32 Weeks pregnant and back to work. I never expected in a million years that this would happen. While I'm glad that the situation is resolved, I will be getting more than enough hours, and one more pay check from work, I am stressed about going back. It is a really awful job.

I'm also feeling really down because we were counting on the 1.5 month long paycheck to arrive and fund the remainder (ie: all) of our Christmas shopping and groceries. Since it's not coming, I've given up on Christmas this year. I have a gift each for my two nieces, something for my mom, and one kind of stupid gift for Blaine. I don't have the ingredients to bake my holiday goodies, or the vegetables to go along with the dip I'll be making. I suppose we can dip our fingers in it - har har. Nothing for Blaine's family, my father, sisters, etc. I've been feeling really guilty and down about it. We woke up to snow again today.. and the last time I wrote about it I was brimming with Christmas giddiness and excitement for decorating our home and tree. Now the tree makes me sad and the snow reminds me that it'll be difficult to get to work in yucky weather. I hate that I'm feeling this way. I hate that we even found ourselves in this situation. This year was supposed to be magical, and instead, I'll be listening to people scream about their cell phone bills on Christmas Eve. I may not get to go visit family (depending on my schedule), which is the most important part of the holidays for us. It's not about getting presents. It's about giving and seeing the people we love. I don't like to be such a Debbie-Downer grinch, but I wanted to post this quick recap to mark the chaos that was week 30. Week 31 is going a little better so far. But that's another post for another day. Bah humbug.

Let's call it 29(ish) weeks...

2011-12-11T18:50:00.000-05:00

So, I'll admit that this picture was taken once I was already technically 30 weeks .. but it's the update that counts! *Side note: This picture is slightly deceiving because of the angle.. I'm not as big as it makes me look..and the tree isn't as small as it looks here.... but holy wow! I used a picture with my head!

Last week went by really quickly around here and I can hardly believe it's already Sunday evening. I've really just been trying to keep busy doing housework and the like while Blaine is at school. I've been nesting like mad and have washed down the walls in every major room except for our bathroom. I'm still dying to paint Jack's nursery, but unfortunately that has to wait until my medical-leave-before-maternity pay arrives (I've been waiting since November 4th ... this isn't the best time of the year for the government to screw me around). On the bright side, his change table arrived today and the room is starting to feel a little more like a nursery. We have to do a little DIY to the change pad because it doesn't fit. Hopefully it won't be that noticeable...

On Wednesday I went Christmas shopping with Da for Mom -a yearly event that usually happens on Christmas eve or around there, so I jumped at the chance to go out with him early. We had lunch together afterwards and it was actually pretty nice - a rare occurrence. Thursday was spent cleaning until an epic wind and rain storm knocked the power out. Blaine's school was without power too so I picked him up and we headed to Walmart and the mall for a couple of things. I was completely thrilled when I spotted the gray yarn I needed to finish Jack's blanket that I've been crocheting - pics soon :) Friday I helped Mom do 99% of her Christmas shopping and picked up something special for Blaine. I wrapped it as soon as I got home and the tree seems so much nicer now that there are a couple gifts under it.

This weekend was spent at home with Blaine watching Christmas movies and cleaning. We also watched a few specials on TLC last night about epic Christmas light displays in the US and Europe. It seriously made me so happy ... I wonder why no one lights their houses up like that around here. We are in serious need of a musical Christmas light-display to visit.

Blaine is preparing for exam week and I couldn't be happier! I can't wait for him to be on vacation! I try not to get too down about it, but lately I've been feeling really lonely while he's at school all day. I'm in need of some serious boyfriend company - I've long since reconciled that the few friends I have are too busy with school and work to come around that much and I'm basically a shut-in with a cell phone that doesn't make calls. The sad part is that when I do get asked to go out and do something, I can't afford it because I'm still waiting on the government for my paycheck. Blah - ok enough negativity!

My pregnancy is still going incredibly well with no major complaints. I see my doctor this Friday and then every two weeks afterwards. Monday is my last prenatal class until the new year, including our labour and delivery class which was cancelled and postponed for the time being. Jack is still very active, especially in the evenings when I'm relaxing on the couch. I think I'm feeling the oh-so-familiar growing pains again today with some strange tenderness around my squished up stomach area. Nothing extreme though, so no worries. Nothing else really exciting to report this week so I think I'll cut this short while I continue watching Izzy bond with the gray pom pom slippers my aunt brought me today.

27 and 28 weeks

2011-12-04T09:38:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like I did it again. I procrastinate and don't take pics for what seems like a couple of days and it's actually more like two weeks. That horrible picture above illustrates the epitome of my laziness when it comes to getting dressed lately. Yes I'm covering up because I'm not wearing a bra, there's holes in my tank top and I'm also sporting oh-so-stylish red snowflake long johns (there is also a towel on my head, but I saved you that lovely head-shot). But fashion aside, it's the baby belly at 27 weeks. I didn't take a picture at 28 weeks and we're too far into 29 now to take one and call it 28 weeks. Once I take this week's, we can all just imagine what I looked like in the middle - haha! Since I have this crazy forgetful pregnancy brain, I'm having trouble writing recaps for the separate weeks. Let's just say:

In the last couple of weeks, I...

... have had less butt/hip/leg pain but more back pain - just higher up.

... have been scrambling to get things done around the house and may have strained my stomach muscles a bit.

... have trouble getting up from a laying down position - I have developed a push-up system to help. It's not pretty.

... cannot get enough pears, vegetable thins, and cheese.

... saw my doctor on November 25th - I'm up another 8.5lbs (She's still not concerned), Jack is still wonderful.

... missed a breastfeeding information class because Blaine wasn't feeling well and I had spent a good chunk of the day anxiously crying because I worried too much about the baby's well-being (we can attend another one in the New Year).

... have been getting progressively worse at keeping faith in his health and the fact that he's alive between times I feel movement. Most days I can keep it together, but if he hasn't moved in a couple of hours and I see something on tv about SIDS or stillborn babies - that's it.

... am hungry all the time.

... get up more often through the night to pee.

... received Jack's crib & mattress.

... started getting things ready to paint the nursery. We still need the paint.

... have managed to forget anything else relevant that I wanted to share. I promise to be better this week XO

Nursery Pins

2011-11-24T22:10:00.000-05:00

Pinterest has been my best friend in finding inspiration for Jack's nursery. His colors are a medium-light gray, orange, aqua/turquoise (I never know what to call the particular shade), and a pastel-ish lime green. His room has old hardwood floors like the rest of our apartment, original wide trim and baseboards, and a more recent chair rail. The room is currently two very ugly shades of green and we intend to paint the bottom half of the room gray (the actual color is called Cement), and the top half white. All of the trim, the windows, and the door will be repainted white. The other colors will be our 'accent colors'. We decided on the gray walls because, while our landlord is super awesome and loves us, we are renters and don't want to paint the room a bold color that we may have paint over when we leave.

Our house also has three hexagon-like (???) shaped rooms .. I know there's a term for this... picture bay windows but separated. I'll post pics sometime. Anyway - one of those rooms is Jack's, so there will be lots of light. The furniture we're after is white (our crib is coming in a couple weeks!!!) and we're hoping to add a mini wardrobe, dresser or change table, and a small cube bookshelf. I want his room to feel bright, light, and airy with pops of fun color :) Oh, and a few woodland animals and elements here and there wouldn't hurt either ;) I feel like we can pull it all together, but the first step is painting. And the cleaning that must happen before that. I plan on sharing some pics of the progress and I'm hoping hoping hoping that we can start things in the next couple of weeks. Have I mentioned I'm very excited and anxious to get started?!

1. Love the mobile in this nursery from Ohdeeoh (intend to DIY it) 2. Colors + dream shelf from Do You Love Where You Live 3. This room from Ohdeeoh basically showcases our colors perfectly 4. A beautiful vintage-style letterpress print from Old School Stationers (This will be a splurge for us, but we think it's a must-have) 5. One final swoon-worthy room with my boy in mind via Limor Larea (original source?)

Winter Wonderland

2011-11-24T10:12:00.000-05:00

It's been such a magical morning in our neck of the woods. I spent the last couple of hours sitting at our kitchen table, in the big window, watching snowflakes continue to fall on our already snow covered neighborhood. Last night marked our first official snow storm of the season and I couldn't be happier. I'm not really sure what it is... I always love the snow fall, but I think because I'm already on leave and I can stay in enjoying it instead of driving around terrified, I'm enjoying it so much more. The snow has me giddy with Christmas excitement like a little girl for the first time in years. A part of it has got to be this pregnancy too. I spent yesterday cleaning our living room with storm-anticipation. I knew Blaine would likely have today off school due to the storm and made plans to put up our Christmas tree. As I walked around the house cleaning I told Jack all about snow and how much fun we're going to have in the years to come. It feels like that little bit of holiday magic that was lost on me for the last number of years is back again because of him. I'm dreaming of snowmen and angels, sledding, skating, and even that first time I can point out to him what snow even is. To make things even sweeter, he's currently bopping around in my belly while we listen to Christmas music. I'm off to continue listening to Jim Reeves, She & Him, and the Elf soundtrack, do some light housework, and put up our tree! 27 week update and nursery inspiration posts will follow, I swear!

1. Pretty art by Woodcum 2. Beautiful photograph by Mike Ettner 3. A snow covered town I'd love to visit via weheartit (original source?) 4. Sweet snow husky from Lots of Freckles (original source?) 5. Shots from the blog of Carly Kmyta. Check our her sweet post about her tree decorating tradition!

Twenty Six

2011-11-15T20:10:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like I missed a week again - woops!

Just wanted to post this little update quickly as I'll be twenty seven weeks as of tomorrow haha.

The last little while ...

1. Baby Jack is still moving lots - feeling feet in my ribs and bladder-punches.

2. I've been off work since November 4th (I think?) and I'm enjoying it ever-so-much.

3. Playing housewife has been fun, especially since I finally have time to keep up with the things I want to get done around here.

4. I'm still having the back/butt/hip/leg pains, but not as consistently as when I was working. It seems to be dependent on both how little and how much I do per day. Too much movement and too little movement (stiffness) both equal pain. I have yet to find a happy medium and doubt that I will.

5. I finally took my belly button ring out. I had originally intended to try out maternity rings (which are really neat and made out of thin, bendy, surgical tube stuff) but my piercing is quite old - almost ten years - and is more shallow than the standard belly button piercing. With my growing belly, it started to look red and unhappy this week. I had really hoped to sustain the piercing throughout pregnancy, because I knew I'd miss it after the fact, but I decided to just say goodbye to it rather than deal with any future unhappiness that would likely occur down the road. It was a sad day, but I'm over it now. Anything for Jack.

6. Speaking of belly buttons: mine isn't popping yet but it's definitely 'on the move.' It doesn't look like mine at all anymore.

7. The baby seems to regularly recognize his daddy's voice when he talks to him now. Blaine's gotten kicked in the head a few times now ;)

8. I'm running out of clothes I can wear.

9. I have an appointment to see our doctor next Friday and have to have blood work done beforehand to check my blood sugar. I understand this involves drinking some gross sugary crap, waiting around the hospital for an hour, and then having blood work done. I hate needles and will probably hate the gross sugar crap, so I'm not looking forward to this. Again, anything for Jack!

10. I'm dying to get started on his nursery .. but first it needs paint. And the crib that's on back-order ... and a million other things, haha! It'll all come together. Yes.

Stay tuned, I'm going to be sharing some of my favorite nursery pics I've been using as inspiration for Jack's room in the next couple of days. Our colors: gray, aqua/turquoise, orange, and lime.

Twenty Four

2011-11-01T19:59:00.000-04:00

Is it weird that I used a Halloween font? I didn't think so. Also, excuse the fact that I'm too lazy to dress up or take pictures other than with photo booth at night :)

+ This past week I saw our doctor and everything is still going well.

+ We chatted briefly about pain killer options during labour since our hospital doesn't give epidurals.

+ We also discussed the possibility of going off work on medical leave due to pretty severe back, hip, and leg pain and the fact that my job refuses to even consider changing my schedule for at least another month.

+ Said pain gets worse around supper time and I practically crawl home at night.

+ I'm currently working 1pm - Midnight and it's extremely difficult physically and mentally.

+ Long story short, tomorrow is my LAST FREAKING DAY!

+ Last night we went to Mom's to help give out treats. All kinds of cuteness.

+ I didn't dress up, but I wore a Halloween Hello Kitty shirt (can't believe it fit).

+ I'm craving chocolate.

+ I'm only up 6ish lbs this month.. last month it was 10 lbs.

+ We picked out paint colors for the baby's room.

+ Our crib is on back-order and I can't wait for it to get here!

+ My belly is bouncing around while I type this.

+ I can't remember what else I was going to write about.
+ This week wasn't super exciting.

+ We can't wait to meet Baby Jack ♥

Twenty three weeks

2011-10-23T22:59:00.000-04:00

Wow, I've managed to miss a few weeks! In week twenty I had my first ultrasound and the technician said Baby was sizing in at twenty one weeks, four days - moving my due date back from February 19th to February 15th. I was running late that week in taking a picture so the twenty one week picture just didn't happen. That week also started cross-training for about 30 of us at work which meant I started working until midnight (In case I haven't mentioned, I work in a call center and the hours can be pretty ridiculous at times.. like right now) and I've been generally exhausted and useless ever since.. explaining the lack of picture for twenty two weeks as well. Anyway.. the ultrasound was amazing and I didn't take my eyes off the screen. The tech was super friendly and even let me go pee twice as I was basically writhing in extreme pain. Baby's head was down near my right hip and she was having a really hard time taking picture #73 (of over 100) of what I can only assume was the space between the brain and the skull. It made me quite nervous because the skull and brain are pretty crucial spots in my opinion. She assured me that the baby was just 'hiding' and after I moved around a bit she took the picture no problem. After all the diagnostic pictures were taken the tech asked Blaine to come in. I found it mildly amusing and cute that she referred to him as my husband multiple times - as if it were impossible that he was anything else ;)
She then proceeded to hint about the baby's gender and nearly gave Blaine a heart attack by telling him we were having twins.

Check out that profile ♥

On October 15th we went to Halifax with a couple of friends to have our 3d ultrasound and find out Baby's gender. The entire experience was holy-crap-amazing and so worth the trip! So here we are.. if you didn't get the hint from the belly picture up top.......

It's a Boy !!!

We're both completely in love and awe of this little guy and honestly, look at that face - he's totally adorable already! We have over a hundred 3D pictures of our little man, but these are two of our favorites. I'll spare you all the ones with the umbilical cord and his boy parts (hehe). While I understand some people find the 3D pics creepy or whatever, I think it's amazing. I highly recommend the 3D ultrasounds to any pregnant mamas who are looking to find out their baby's gender or just want to spend some time watching baby (gender is optional). We went to a UCBaby (which I'm pretty sure is Canada-wide) and we were both so impressed with the whole experience. They even offer live streaming online to anyone you want to share the ultrasound with via email. Some of our closest friends and family were able to watch baby live, and some even guessed the gender before we revealed it! We were lucky enough to have our appointment during a promo where the entire session was recorded on a DVD for us and we also brought home a teddy bear with his heartbeat recorded inside. It makes me smile every time I listen to it :) All in all, it was truly wonderful and we're so excited to be having a son.
Welcome to my belly, Jack Hunter MacInnis! Enjoy your stay ♥

So, at twenty three weeks:
+ I feel all kinds of movement all the time.
+ Kicks, punches, and stretches - you can see my belly move almost every time now.
+ I've been having some hip pain and have started waddling about.
+ I get a little bit of swelling in my feet after a long day at work.
+ I've finally figured out a comfortable way to sleep (for now).
+ We bought a changing pad and a stroller! This one (in Pagoda).
+ I get to go back to my prenatal group tomorrow with our good news.
+ I pee ten million times a day.
+ If I watch TLC or Gene Simmons' Family Jewels I bawl uncontrollably.
+ We have a doctor's appointment Friday, which will technically be 24 weeks.
+ I can't stop smiling when I think about Jack.

Twenty weeks

2011-10-03T20:23:00.001-04:00

Holy crap we've made it half way. I feel like this pic makes me look bigger than I actually am because I'm wearing maternity tights that go up to my bra and this skirt has a band that goes up over my belly .. perhaps they had a 1/4 inch or so ;)

I missed blogging and taking a belly pic at 19 weeks because ... we were moving! We were super busy and the time just flew by. The move just about killed me too. We didn't move far - just from the second floor to the first floor in our building. Because we moved within such a small distance we opted not to pack. I am never doing this again. Moving without packing is hell and a half. It was really just a "pick it up and go" mentality and it was by far the most stressful move we've made (and we moved across Canada and back with Lola). We're thrilled with the new place and there's even a room for Baby. It's a much prettier apartment with more character and space. It really feels huge compared to the upstairs even though it's the same house. I find this strange, although I think it's just because our new place makes better use of the space available. We're still moving things around putting-away .. making it home. I imagine this will continue forever, haha. Work leaves me exhausted and I have very little motivation at 8:30pm to clean, rearrange, or decorate. I'm trying not to get stressed out about it and just take my time (with Blaine's help).

News from this week:

+ We had a prenatal appointment: everything is wonderful and peachy.

+ The baby was moving so much that the Dr. had a hard time catching the heartbeat.
+ Once caught, it was 145 bpm. Blaine is convinced it's a boy.

+ I've gained 10 lbs in the last four weeks. My Dr is not concerned yet, so I'm not either.

+ We have our first ultrasound this coming Friday!!!

+ Our gender ultrasound is the Saturday after next!!!

+ I'm still feeling lots of movement, and that makes me smile.

+ Blaine has felt the baby move.

+ We can see my belly move sometimes.

+ When I don't feel Baby move for a few hours I get incredibly nervous.

+ I had my second prenatal class which was informative and I got to hold a brand new, beautiful baby :)

+ I've started to develop those "dark patches" of skin that the books talk about. So far: arms and neck.

+ I finally bought a nursing pillow that's been helping me sleep more comfortably at night.

+ I'm unbelievably excited to find out the gender so I can start picking out things for the nursery. I can't wait to have the room painted, a crib, and oh my goodness I'm so excited!!!

Eighteen Weeks

2011-09-17T21:00:00.000-04:00

Another week has gone by.. I can hardly believe that we're nearing the half way point! This week I'm noticing Baby moving more and more. Every time I feel it my heart swells even bigger with love. It has quickly become my favorite thing in the world, but when I realize I haven't felt anything in a few hours - I worry. A lot. I find myself poking and prodding at my belly to try to provoke movement.. but it doesn't work. I am a highly impatient person by nature and it is a serious downfall for me. I have trouble waiting for anything... especially things that are out of my control with no indication how long they will take. I want signs of life frequently! Please! Please?

In other news, the belly is continuing to get bigger (haha, I know right.) and I'm outgrowing even more of my clothes. I'm down to one pair of tights, two pairs of yoga pants, and the jeans in the picture above. I was actually super pleased with myself this morning when I remembered stashing this pair of Guess "fat jeans" that were given to me by my cousin. I knew that someday I'd be pregnant and wanting jeans that fit me - I was right. They're comfy and fit well, but I still need to unbutton the button when I'm sitting down. Blaine and I also went shopping yesterday, which was oh so lovely. It took forever and I was exhausted, but it was super worth it. I replaced the shirt I bought a few weeks ago that is now too small with a few more cute tees. I also found a super cute sweater coat and a dress that reminds me of fall. I'm hoping I can wear these things for more than a couple of weeks before they stop fitting altogether!

This week I've also experienced round ligament pain for the first time. I thought I'd felt it before, but man was I wrong. It was a bit scary at first until I looked it up and found reassurance. I'm making a crazy amount of trips to the washroom, I'm exhausted, my feet hurt, I want cheese on everything, and I'm still having trouble staying asleep. Going to sleep is no problem - but once I wake up to pee, get a drink, or a snack, I'm awake for at least an hour. It's become super frustrating because Blaine needs to be up a few hours ahead of me and we have very loud road construction happening right outside our house every morning. I was told that a nursing pillow can be helpful in the pregnancy-sleeping department, so I've been searching for the best one for me. I like the Boppy style, but I'm not struck on their patterns. I was pretty disappointed that there are virtually zero nursing pillows on etsy .. just lots and lots of (what I consider to be) over-priced pillow covers. I'm probably going to go with a plain Boppy pillow and find a cheap cover that I like on etsy. Have any of you purchased a nursing pillow that you love? Suggestions are welcome :)

Blaine and I have officially decided on a boy's name - 100%. We have the girl names we like narrowed down to 3.. possibly 4.. but more like 3. One is the perfect middle name so we're back and forth between two main combinations. I love both, but it's such a hard decision! I'd like to be settled on the names by the time we have our 3D ultrasound so we can just announce "So and so is on the way!" .. ACK! That said, the name will be kept a secret until the big announcement after October 15th.

Oh, and today was the most perfect fall-feeling day. The leaves are still on the trees and haven't changed colors yet, but it felt like fall. This is a great thing for Cape Breton. This time last year the leaves were blown off the trees by high winds before they even changed colors and it felt like freaking winter (we don't get proper seasons). This year has been different though! The sun was shining and the breeze was cool, it was sweater-weather, we bought amazing smelly-wax-melty-things, and got to drink apple cider. I seriously love fall so much. I'm looking forward to going for walks with the baby next fall and first Halloween costumes. Blaine and I have been swooning over the skeleton pjs at Walmart this year ;)

We have some company coming over tonight and I have to pee again (haha) so I suppose I'll say goodnight xx

PS 20 days til the first ultrasound!! (Not the gender one) Yay!!

Seventeen Weeks

2011-09-12T22:19:00.000-04:00

Yep, that's right! Blaine and I are expecting! I hit seventeen weeks this past Saturday and we're both thrilled :) *Note* The above pic makes me look a little bigger than I am - it's the sweater!

The first three months were tough - I was nauseous, tired, sore, cranky, etc. Not to mention I was a complete basket case with stress until we hit the "safe mark" of twelve weeks. We told our families around week thirteen and they've been very supportive. I was super nervous about telling my mom because being pregnant resulted in the decision to not return to school this year. I would have went back if it was financially-smart and possible, but my funding source put me in a position that just wouldn't allow us to have the baby, finish school in a timely manner, and be able to support ourselves afterwards. It's complicated, but I've decided to stay at work full-time until the baby comes (due date is February 19th!!) and Blaine has returned for his second year of school and will continue to work part-time. Our schedules are kind of insane, but we're both willing to do it to ensure that this baby is well provided for.

In other exciting baby-news: I was unsure about feeling movement up until this evening. People kept telling me that once I knew for sure what it was, thinking back to the other times I'd think "Wow it was so obvious." Did that make sense? I hope so. The point is, I feel it often enough, and strongly enough, that I can distinguish it from "regular belly gurgles" as of this evening. Needless to say, I'm thrilled! All over again. Any time I run across hard-concrete-proof that everything is ok in there I just well up with tears of happiness. I've been lucky enough to hear the heartbeat three different times. Twice at regularly scheduled prenatal appointments and once at the hospital after I fell at my sister's wedding reception (that's another story all together, but everything is alright) last week. I can't remember the rate from the first time (I was too overwhelmed from the doctor actually finding it), but it was 150 and then 130 beats per minute the next two times.. which are both quite normal apparently.

Our ultrasounds are coming up soon - yes ultrasounds. We have our first routine ultrasound on October 7th at our local hospital where I have my prenatal appointments and then on October 15th is our 3D ultrasound to find out the gender!!!! For some dumb legal-liability issue or something, doctors won't disclose the gender in Cape Breton and we have to travel 5.5 hours south to the next major city to find out. Well, Blaine and I both want to know and have already scheduled our appointment :) Excited does not even begin describe it. We've picked up a few things here and there that are cute and gender non-specific and have made a habit of checking out the baby section of every store we enter. Blaine is so adorable.. he gets all excited when we look at the tiny clothes which just makes me swoon and giddy and all around happy.

While I enjoy looking at all the little, tiny things; it's also a bit like torture. It has become quite obvious to me that most stores around here carry super cute things that are either VERY MUCH FOR BOYS or VERY MUCH FOR GIRLS. Anything in the middle is beige, plain, and probably has Winnie the Pooh on it. Once we know what we're having we'll be able to plan our purchases and the nursery to include things that are completely hand picked and targeted exactly for our little one-to-be. I don't mean to say that the baby will definitely like what we pick.. or that a little girl won't like trucks and so on... I hope this isn't coming across that way. Basically, the surprise is best for some people, but for not for us. If it's a girl, I want vintage florals, pinks, yellows, oranges, and things of that nature. If it's a boy, I like the idea of brown, turquoise blue, lime green, and orange with trees or robots or vehicles or something (I'm undecided, really). If we didn't know what we were having it would force us to compromise on so many things that we want to have prepared for Baby and.... well we just really want to know. That's that ;)

I could ramble on about the baby forever, and I probably will continue to - by the way, don't mind the snow flakes up on the banner. They're going away as soon as Blaine helps me get Photoshop going again. But yeah.. some people apologize for going baby crazy on their blogs or promise to keep it in the background. I'm not doing that. I'm absolutely baby crazy. This is my blog, my life, and our baby is my life for now and forever. This post is kind of all over this place which is where my head is all the time now (is this normal, Mamas? Crazy brain? haha) so I'm just going to stop. YAY BABIES!

Strange happenings last night

2011-04-09T16:03:00.000-04:00

I was having a late evening nap on the couch last night (shhh) and woke up to Blaine saying the power was out and he was pretty sure he knew why. We have a pretty decent view out our second floor living room window in terms of distance, and just beyond our pitch-black neighborhood was a gigantic fire.

Our town isn't really laid out in "blocks" .. more like a lot of small neighborhoods connected together haphazardly with strange routes. But if I could describe it that way, about a 10x10 block area was without power, ending just before the brook that runs through town. Across the brook (not close to our house at all! no worries!), the fire lit up the sky. Our crazy across the street neighbors were running around in the street with flashlights. The flames were so huge we were pretty sure that it was a grease fire at a local diner, but it turned out to be a big, old apartment building that had at least four or five units. One of my closest friends actually lived there at one point. We found out that by the time the power went out and we noticed what was going on, it had already been burning for a few hours.

Our friends (who still had power) picked us up to go for coffee & tea and spend the evening at their place. Out of curiosity, concern, nosiness, or whatever - we drove to that part of town to see what was going on. So did everyone else in town, apparently. Not a lot of exciting things happen around here and it was right across the street from the biggest elementary school in town... there were cops directing traffic, people, cars, cable and power trucks, and firefighters everywhere. Traffic was being redirected to turn around in the school parking lot. Seeing how everyone in our small town came out to see the fire made me feel a few different things, especially because I was one of those people too. For some it was purely out of curiosity, or to be nosy and have something to gossip about, to say they were there and saw it... But for others, like me, I felt concern, worry for the families, sadness, and fear. Also left feeling sad for the people that were there for entertainment, and slightly ashamed because no matter what way you look at it .. I was there too.

The building was unfortunately labelled as a notorious 'crack house' and that makes me sad. Comments popped up on facebook saying things like "burn baby burn." I was pretty horrified by that one. I would definitely classify it as low income housing, and there have certainly been drug related things going on there before. That said, it's a large apartment building and I'm sure there was at least one unit that contained a family. My close friend, a single mother who does not drink, smoke, or do drugs, lived there with her young daughter because well, it was affordable and sometimes around here you have to take what you can get. Someone actually once lit a couch on fire outside her front door when she lived there. That aside, if someone like J lived there with her child out of necessity, then I'm sure there were still some similar circumstances in that building. And that's what I was thinking about when I saw the crowd of people watching their home burn down, and the ignorant comments being made on facebook.

I suppose my strong feelings of empathy are due to the experiences Blaine and I have had with structural fires. When I was four months old my parent's house burned and had to be totally gutted and re-built. I grew up knowing that it happened which unfortunately gave me some OCD tendencies, but I see them as a good thing. I like to prevent fires - nothing wrong with that. Blaine experienced a fire at his mother's house 6 or 7 (? I'm not 100% on the date) years ago and lost everything in his bedroom and while his two cats were ok, one was missing for quite a while afterwards. In Vancouver near the end of June 2008 our worst nightmares came true. Around 2 am we woke up to our roommate screaming for us to get out of the house and a straight ahead view of 30 foot flames out the bedroom window. Our garage was totally engulfed in flames in a neighborhood where all of the houses are very close together. All I could get out of my mouth was WHERES LOLA?! and luckily she was at my feet ready to go. We ran out of the house barefoot, wearing pjs, or in Blaine's case a robe with a cat in it. We started knocking on doors to alert the neighbors and waited for the fire department to show up. I have vague memories of the experience because I think we were all in honest-to-god shock, but I recall it being misty out and it taking a long time for the fire trucks to arrive. Transformers and things inside the garage were exploding as we sat across the street with our Irish neighbors, their three year old son and springer spaniel, our very pregnant roommate, and Lola. Our other neighbor was hysterical because he couldn't find his cats before the firemen dragged him out of the basement apartment (they were ok). No one offered us help, a telephone, blankets, or invited us into their home to get out of the rain. That made me miss my small, friendly hometown on Cape Breton Island. That would never happen there.

We sat there for two and a half hours before cop cars were called to take us to stay with friends and family for a few hours. Our house didn't burn down, despite being 10 feet away from the exploding garage, and we were allowed inside to get shoes, a change of clothes, cell phones, and Lola's cat carrier. This was at roughly 5am. We came back around 7 or 8 to give statements to the police about the guy who subletted our garage (who mysteriously disappeared) and found a HAZMAT team in full gear picking through our smouldering backyard. They thought it was a meth lab, because nine times out of ten when a garage explodes in Vancouver, it's a meth lab. As we sat in our kitchen writing statements for the police about the seemingly friendly guy who fixed our lawnmower, it came over a radio that it wasn't a meth lab. We didn't have to give the statements, the cops and HAZMAT team left, and no one told us anything else about the cause of the fire or the whereabouts of the guy we subletted to.

We had to live in the house for roughly a month without power before we found somewhere else to go. We had a crime scene in our backyard with 24 hour security for the first couple of weeks. After that I had to chase people off the property who were trying to haul away burnt tools, and mystery-guy's vintage Harley Davidson bike. It was a very traumatic, stressful experience and (thankfully) we didn't lose our belongings or home - even though we had to move....

So that's the story of the time our garage exploded and the cops thought it was a meth lab and further explanation for my fear of house fires. My heart goes out to everyone who lost their home last night and in the last few weeks. Yes, this is the 4th in a string of likely cases of arson where multi-unit, lower income, apartment buildings were destroyed by fires.

Some pictures of our garage-aftermath:

Hooray for net books!

2011-04-06T19:24:00.002-04:00

Silly poor-quality webcam pic :)

We got our new net book today and we're both oh-so-excited! It has a working webcam!

I went back to school today and it was pretty slow and uneventful. My friend and I did an one hour presentation on A Death in the Family for our Family Studies course... it was pretty depressing and a few people actually cried after watching our videos. Last period of the day .. perfect send-off! .. I kid. After class me and the girls went to Walmart to pick up the new laptop and kill some time until we could go pick up Blaine. Aside from not being able to change the theme, color scheme, and desk top wallpaper, we're totally thrilled. Blaine has plans to install a full copy of Windows 7 sometime which should fix those silly issues. I'm glad, because I enjoy personalizing everything!

As promised, here is Izzy enjoying our bed that one sunny morning...

& a couple more to warm your heart :)

In other random news, I tried Sally Hansen Salon Effects nail strips in Girl Flower last Friday night and I have to say ... I'm in love! They've a bit pricey for nail polish ($8 a box), but they were easy to apply, seem to last forever, and are super pretty! I got so many compliments on them this week.. even the older man at the gas station asked if I used a stencil to paint the flowers on, hehe :) I highly recommend trying them if you're into fun nail designs but lack the talent to paint pretty things by yourself ;)

Tonight is for working on school assignments and going to bed early. Oh! It's also Criminal Minds Day!! (aka Wednesday) Hooray!

What is this.. last year?

2011-04-05T02:59:00.002-04:00

Taken {by Blaine} in February after a crazy snow storm.

It looks a little bit more like spring now :)

Around this time last year when my hours at work were drastically reduced, I was turning into some bizarre semi-insomniac. This continued well into the summer and, thankfully, when I returned to school last September my body clock straightened itself out again (for the most part). Oddly enough, here I am at 2:44 am on a Monday night writing a blog post. I didn't go to school today (and don't intend on it tomorrow either) because I have some type of stomach bug again. I'm ok.. just not pleasant enough to sit through school. While I hate missing class and I wasn't feeling 100% today, I managed to have the nicest morning. Once Blaine left for school I found myself in bed with both kitties - a truly rare occurrence. Our bedroom gets the best sunlight in the morning hours, and since it's something I rarely get to experience anymore, I decided to open the curtains and relax in my sunny bed for a while. After breaking the curtain rod contraption we have rigged up (it involves a long, thick bamboo pole, nails and green garden twist-tie things .. don't ask) I decided to open the windows since the warmth in there really seemed too good to be true... I'm sure I've mentioned here or on twitter the perils of heating this apartment from October to March (I refuse to buy oil past then) ... anyway and the breeze that was coming in the window was just slightly cool and spring-like. I rolled around, enjoyed having all the blankets and pillows to myself, checked twitter, some daily blog reads, and then found myself drifting off in the warm sunlight. Aside from waking up to chase Izzy away from something she wasn't supposed to be getting into, I had the best late-morning nap. I woke up in the sun at 12:30 pm! (drenched in sweat haha.. but I'm not gonna lie - that's much better than waking up freezing.)
So that is probably to blame for my late night blogging! My body is still in weekend mode or something.. but it was totally worth it! I did take pictures of Izzy sprawled on the sunny bed.. but it's too late to mess around with Blaine's fancy-pants camera so perhaps tomorrow?
Anyway .. here's a little recap of what I've been up to lately:
1. Friday night we went out to my favorite little bar to see some of our friends' bands play. We ran into a handful of old friends that I haven't seen in AGES, and had an all around great time.
2. Saturday we nursed our beer-last-night-bellies with some greasy McDonald's (yuck - I know, I was even food poisoned there.. but we're poor, it's cheap, and is the best thing after a few beer). I thought I'd spring and try their lattes since you can't get espresso anywhere else in our town without driving half an hour.. and I have to say, as far as sub-par lattes go, these weren't that bad! I still enjoy my black coffee from Tim's though, so I think lattes will remain a treat in our house. Plus... McDonald's - ick. The rest of the day was spent lazing around the house watching seasons of Seinfeld (we LOVE that show around here).
3. Sunday was spent sorting and hanging clothes, filling up my new dresser, moving little things around the bedroom, and just making that room slightly more functional and pretty to be in. After that we drove to Mom's to do laundry and have supper. We took Cass for a walk and marveled at all the things that are changing in the little community I grew up in. A big foreign company has recently invested in reopening the local mine and they've been giving a lot back to the community so to speak. While I appreciate all the parks and re-landscaping and what-not, I can't help but cry a little inside when I see the paths, bushes, fields, and trees that I grew up playing in totally cleared out. I don't like change. We visited Granny where I tried on my prom dress from high school. At my school, it's tradition (not forced.. but whatever) to wear a white dress to prom. Despite my pleading to wear a fun, bright color, I wore white. It's a gorgeous dress that I completely adore... that was worn once... and has sat in a closet at Granny's house ever since. It actually fits me better now than it did six years ago (I gained a few pounds after buying it and it had to be let out ..) and I'm still so in love with it. So in love, that I'm strongly considering wearing it as a my wedding dress when that time comes. It's white, it fits me, it's gorgeous, and I already own it. Makes sense to me! Dinner was delicious and getting tons of laundry done was oh so satisfying.
4. After waking up in the sun today I played with the kitties, spilled wet coffee grounds everywhere, and enjoyed some of Mom's banana bread. Blaine was home earlier than I expected him so we ran a few errands and made the best freaking store bought pizza ever! Seriously, if you haven't tried Delissio Garlic Bread-Crust pizza (in any flavour) - go do it now! I spent the rest of the day (until I tried going to bed four hours ago) working on one of my current assignments for school. I'm putting together a local resource directory for children, parents, families, and educators; which involves writing out lots and lots of index cards. I decided to make it a bit more fun by organizing them all into a little booklet secured with binder-ring-clips and cute page dividers. Hopefully I'll finish it tomorrow so I can move onto the next assignment - designing a brochure! WOOHOO! Can you tell I'm starting to get school burnout? haha ;)
5. That brings me to the next big thing going on right now. Blaine and I have a terrible history with electronics. It's not that we're exceptionally hard on them, they just seem to up and decide to stop working. Like our old 320gig hard drive, my HP laptop (two or three times), my camera, my blackberry, a few DVD players, etc, etc. Ok. I did drop my camera in the Atlantic ocean .. but only for a couple seconds! Anyway... when we went back to school my father had recently upgraded to an iphone 4 (so jealous) and didn't feel like he needed his laptop when he traveled for work anymore.... so he passed it along to us. It wasn't in the best state but Blaine formatted it and we started fresh. Blaine would take it to class everyday since it was more practical for his school work as I write all my notes by hand. Once we were home though, I would use it for assignments, blogging, browsing and the like. A couple of weeks ago I got out of the shower and was promptly informed that it no longer worked. Just. Like. That. We do have an imac that I LOVE, but I don't love sitting at it for extended periods of time. We don't have a great desk or chair, I end up with back aches, I've become very accustomed to internet-ing on the couch, and I'm just more efficient at using Microsoft products for assignments. I actually wrote two papers using the imac since then, and I've been cursing it from across the living room on a daily basis. So, it's looking like we need to buy a new laptop. It's a necessary school purchase. Unfortunately, I said the next laptop we bought would be a Macbook - but that's just not in our budget right now. Any laptop isn't in our budget right now, so we're going the cheapest route possible: a netbook! There are some great sales on this week and I'm hoping to pick one up if our GST checks come in tomorrow *fingers crossed* .. So yes, Netbook = happy cait + more blog posts + assignments done earlier!
This has turned into quite the long rambling post and Izzy's crying at my feet so I think I'll head back to bed and try to sleep.. B has to be up in 3 hours .. eek! Just a couple more random pics I found tonight and I'm off. Since my day is relatively wide open tomorrow I fully intend on posting again, including Izzy-in-bed pics.

Eating chicken wings at Mom's .. Xmas time?

I hate getting stuff on my hands haha

My silly, silly, boy. I love him to bits ♥

Gratuitous Kitty Pics

2011-03-13T22:12:00.000-04:00

I realized that it had been forever since I posted any pics of the kitties! It seems that I'm always fighting with images in blogger, so I apologize for random sizes - I'm feeling nauseous and can't be bothered fixing them... SO without further adieu, here are my babies (December 2010 - March 2011)

Kitty Xmas happened just before our Xmas

(it kept them busy)

One of the funniest pictures of Lola ever taken.

my girl

...who also happens to be a huge cuddle-butt...

...and sometimes a cranky-face.

Baby kitty is growing up - look at that face!

Bunk beds

Adventures with yarn

♥ ♥ ♥

I'm BACK!

2011-03-08T22:25:00.000-05:00

Source: makeundermylife.com via ebbie mae on Pinterest

Oh my god, it's been ages! First of all, I really love the quote from the picture above. It's a nice reminder to myself when things get crazy-overwhelming that all of the stress and studying and tight-budgeting are building a strong foundation for the things Blaine and I dream of (that often seem so far away).

So yeah, near the end of my Christmas vacation I redesigned my blog (not 100% finished yet) with full intention to keep up with it and start thinking about my new etsy shop. Unfortunately, when I returned to school I was hit with the busiest two months we've had so far. I've been totally swamped with papers, tests, resource binders with 100 pieces, activity plans, and practicum placement. I'm currently on placement at our school's on-site daycare. I've been having a great time, despite the brutal cold that's been lingering around for a few weeks. It's officially over Friday, but I have some hours to make up because I got food poisoning from McDonald's last Friday and had to miss a day and a half of work. Boooooourns. I've been feeling queasy ever since and I must say, I will not be eating that awful, awful, food for a very long time. There's reason to suspect that it may be a touch of the stomach flu, but I've had that before and this was very different. I'll be going back to work tomorrow morning though, bright and early. It's been a lot of fun and I love spending time with the kids, but I'm definitely exhausted and ready to get back to school work. That said, I'm getting awfully sleepy (Gravol has been my friend this week) and I think I'll cut this post short. I mostly wanted to say to my readers (new and old), "Hi, I'm still alive!" :) .. I promise to be around more often - here, and on twitter. Oh, and I've fallen in love with pinterest as of late! You can find me there too. Stay sweet, goodnight xx

New year - New look

2011-01-02T12:08:00.000-05:00

Hello there!

I have been and will be working on some changes around here for the next couple of days.

Apologies if things move around a bunch and/or are wonky!

I should be finished early this week because I'm going back to school and will promptly be swamped with projects and studying.

I hope everyone had a fantastical Christmas and New Years and I'm very excited to start blogging regularly again - I'm out of my funk! (Funny how a new year will help)

Anyway .. I'm loving how things are looking and hope you do to.

Thoughts and comments appreciated!

XOXO

hello snow!

2010-11-21T15:14:00.000-05:00

Hello, it feels like it's been ages! Life is busy-busy, as per usual .. school, birthday parties, errands.. I often feel like I'm running in a hamster wheel 24/7 and never stopping. There's only some truth to that though, as I'm lucky enough to flop on my couch at the end of the day, sip my tea or coffee, and spend time with the ones I love. It's normal to feel run ragged at times - I know this .. but I'm very much looking forward to Christmas break! The first photo is from the very first snow fall we experienced in Vancouver in 2008. It was a magical time.. Lola and I were wrapping presents "together" (second photo) while Blaine was at work. I noticed it was snowing, grabbed the cat and the camera, and ran outside to snap a picture. It may be silly, but I think my kitties appreciate us letting them experience the seasons. They're inside cats who enjoy spending time outside on their leashes when it's warm out, and they don't go out in the winter .. but as Lola was pretty much my best friend when we lived there, I wanted to let her feel the snow on her paws. Yes, I'm a crazy cat lady - haha! Vancouver doesn't typically get much snow and since it was our first Christmas away from home, it was very special to have a white Christmas.

I'm posting these pics today because we had our first substantial snow fall yesterday! It snowed a little bit on Friday - just enough to make the roads and steps a little slippery, but nothing major. My friend Janet really wasn't looking forward to snow and I had to laugh at her horrified reaction to my excitement. Yesterday evening we were watching tv with the curtains closed and didn't realize it was snowing again until everything was covered. It was so still and beautiful! We woke up today to hundreds of pretty icicles hanging off all the houses in the neighborhood. I always look forward to the first snowfall. It's so, so, beautiful and means winter is here... which means I can feel alright about pulling Christmas decorations out early. As a general rule in our home, wintery decorations come out after first snowfall (snow men, etc.), and the lights and Santa things come in December. It's a bit of a pet peeve of mine when people light their houses up the day after Halloween, so I try to contain my holiday excitement until mid November at least. I was actually a little surprised with myself this year though.. my Christmas fever started WAY early. I can't wait to decorate!

a peek at our tree last year

I've been trying to take some new pictures to share with my blackberry, but the quality is terrible and I really can't capture the details of anything.. so I wait. I dyed my hair BLACK last week (holy crap.. I was kind of scared it would look super fake and bad) .. and I love it! It suits my skin tone so much better than the reds and auburn colors I tried all year. I suppose that's because it's closer to my natural color which is a very dark brown.

Yesterday we spent the afternoon at Brooklyn's 6th birthday party, which was both super fun and exhausting. I'm blown away by the fact that this little girl is six. SIX! It feels like just yesterday that we were all crowded into the family room at the hospital waiting meet my new niece or nephew. I'm so proud of her, and love her to bits. I feel so lucky to be home again to see her and her sister grow up. I'm a very happy aunt ♥

Today is for snuggling under the blankets with comfy pjs, Lola purring on my lap and studying for a test I'm writing tomorrow. I really hope to be around again soon. XO

I'm still alive!

2010-11-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

click for source

Hello! As the title says, I am very much still alive! I've said it before and here I am saying it again: School has taken over my life. Earlier in the fall sometime, I mentioned that I was struggling to find balance. School, housework, eating/cooking, sleeping, blogging, and perhaps even a social life? Since then, a lot of things have been falling into place. I've been doing extremely well in school and have made some sweet new friends (Janet, Lisa, Ina - you all rock my socks ♥). Blaine and I have settled into a nice bedtime routine and always make an effort to have regular meal times. I'm remembering my vitamins everyday (and get to enjoy a vitamin water as a treat when I can), take lunches whenever possible, and along with the other healthy routines I've started.. I've been feeling pretty great!
After a few weeks of chaos around the house, cat hair tumble weeds, and dishes piled miles high in the kitchen, we're slowly finding balance in our home. Regular cleaning is taking place and I'm far less embarrassed of the state of the apartment when friends come over. A huge thank you to my Mom for getting us a swanky new pet-hair vacuum as an early Christmas present! When we brought Izzy home in January our battle with cat hair began. Lola is a domestic short hair and sheds seasonally, but nothing unmanageable. Izzy seems to lose enough fur everyday to make another cat! I swept, and swept, and swiffered, and swept, and just couldn't keep up with the cat hair. Needless to say, I LOVE my vacuum and it's getting lots of use ;)
Lately if I'm not at school or trying to keep up with the house, I'm sleeping or doing homework. I'm ready for a nap as soon as I get home from school, but I don't always have the opportunity to have one. On those nights I always fall asleep early... one night I was out cold at 7pm! School is my #1 focus .. I know that if I'm tired I need to sleep so I'll have energy at school the next day. If I have homework to do, it's all I do. At first everything else suffered because of this, but like I mentioned - things are starting to balance out.
The last thing on the list is blogging. I've definitely been absent and I hope to change this soon. I'm still reading and lurking around my favorite blogs and twitter from time to time but I just haven't had the drive (or time) to fit in a post of my own. We're also still without a camera .. so not being able to take pictures and share them has me pretty bummed out. This should change soon, but in the mean time I'm contemplating charging up my old blackberry pearl to snap some pics since the camera in it isn't too terrible. This is our first fall together without a camera and it makes us both sad that we didn't get to capture the leaves changing, walks outside, Halloween... all the fun stuff. While I've been a tad uninspired in the blog-department, I've been spending my free time crocheting up a storm! I'm working on some pretties for the ebbie mae etsy shop (still very unsure of when it will open), you can read about my decision to close Hooked on Happy and the inspiration behind the new name here. When my offline life feels more settled, I hope to find the time to recreate my online life. New show, new products, new blog design. I'm very excited for all of this!
Blaine's waking up so I think I'll cut this short. I have more news to share.. perhaps later today or tomorrow? I promise I'll have some pictures.... I have new hair and a pretty new ring ;)
Do any of you have trouble finding balance in life? Or do you find it easy? Suggestions are welcome! XO

Doll crazy

2010-10-25T00:04:00.000-04:00

I bought a dollhouse at a thrift store yesterday for $2 and spent the better part of today searching online to figure out the brand/era. Upon closer inspection, Blaine found Mattel 1980 hidden on a wall inside the house. Immediately I found the one.

It's a Little's doll house! Some actual pics of the doll house and accessories here. Mine is just the house and it's missing the chimney. Otherwise it's in really good shape - only a bit of warping and the wallpaper is just starting to peel. I'll post pics as soon as we have our camera back :)

While I was searching flickr for orange dollhouse green roof (and other variations) unsuccessfully, I found so many awesome doll and dollhouse things! Since I'm not totally struck on the accessories that were made for this house, and the wallpaper stickers are peeling, I think I'll be re-papering and filling it with cuter furnishings (I'm the kind of girl who likes a complete set.. but I'm ok passing on these...) Here are a few things that caught my eye today.

These fantastic little treasures are from a collection called Woodmate, made by a company called Kabaya (as far as I can figure out) that seem to have been sold 3-5 years ago. I've searched everywhere I can think of to buy them online because the scale would be perfect for my dollhouse and they're quite possibly the cutest doll accessories ever. If anyone has any idea where to find Woodmate anything, please let me know in the comments! Thanks :)

This handmade doll is just perfect!

And how creepy-cute are these? I can't decide if I love them or if I'll be having nightmares - haha!

My crazy day

2010-10-19T23:13:00.000-04:00

via weheartit - original source

Things have been a bit nutty around here lately.. but today has really tested my sanity. It all started last night I guess... if you follow me on twitter you may have read about my recent eye problem. Without going into too much detail: my right eyelid is really sore, I'm getting major eye-headaches, and things are just not pleasant. Doing some online 'diagnosing' I read about some scary infections so I've been planning on seeing a doctor asap (I have an appointment Friday morning). Anyway - last night in the middle of doing homework the headache and pain became too much and I had to turn the lights off, take my glasses off, and give up on homework. I really hate being unprepared for class.. so that really bothered me. I took some Tylenol and promptly passed out.
Fast forward nine hours. Blaine and I slept in until 7:55 this morning... we're usually out the door around that time. I don't know how, but we still managed to be in my friend's driveway by 8:10, and made it to school with time to spare. I didn't have coffee though.. or a lunch.. or any money to buy a lunch. I wasn't wearing makeup or a belt. I really didn't wake up until I got to school haha .. and when I was there I found myself making silly mistakes when writing notes, spelling, etc. (which drives me insane.. I'm OCD with my school notes). Also, on the way there I saw a dead german shepherd on the side of the highway.. and that made me pretty sad. I see raccoons all the time.. I wish people and animals were more careful :(

After school we ran a few errands before picking up my friend's daughter at daycare. We stopped for gas on the way there and I opened the back door to get my wallet from my book bag. This is where I'll let you in on a crucial detail about our car... the driver's side doors both have issues with closing. You have to make sure that the handle is down for the door to stay shut. Sometimes the 'mechanism' on the front door has to be poked at with my keys to make sure it shuts (ghetto - I know.. but it's stupidly hard to fix without getting new doors....) I pretty much have myself trained to check the handle every time I get in the car, and then I lock the door before pulling away because I've had it swing open and my purse fall out. Anyway, we were driving from the gas station into town and went around the first real turn which is a huge bend and the next thing I know Janet's yelling frantically. The back door flew open when we went around the turn and yes, there were cars everywhere. Neither one of us noticed right away. I panicked, pulled over and up onto the curb (haha).. and managed to put the car in park, get out, and shut the door - all while Janet's apologizing for scaring me and I avoid getting hit by cars coming in three directions. Then we sat in the car parked on the curb in traffic for a minute or two while I waited for my heart rate to drop. My wallet was sitting unzipped on the backseat from the gas station. This had the potential to be much worse.. but it was still pretty terrifying. We put her daughter in the middle when we picked her up *just in case* (don't worry.. we definitely check all the doors when she's in the car!).

I got home and forgot what I had to tell my mom on the phone three times, and had to call back each time. The last time we were on the phone I walked in cat puke and tracked it onto clothes in the bedroom before I noticed. Upon cleaning it up I discovered that not only did Lola throw up.. but she managed to hide most of it under a pair of pjs. Which I walked on as well. She's getting creative?

After cleaning the mess, we went to the hospital to see about my eye. Outpatients was packed and it was clear that I'd be waiting for several hours. I already made my appointment at the eye doctor for Friday, and really didn't want to miss school, but there was no way I was spending 8 or 9 hours in a waiting room. Parking paid for nothing (woohoo!) We tried to get coffee, but didn't have enough change and had to go home first (because we paid for parking). Today was full of craziness and it seemed like everything I tried to do took 3 extra steps. I had a day like this last week: in less than half an hour a car was driving straight for my car on a one way street, I almost got hit by another car and had to run around in traffic, and then I basically shut down the entire post office because no one knew how to ring in the prepaid credit cards they sell.

This is a really random post... and probably seems really complain-y.. but by the end of a day like this I can look back and laugh. Some good things did happen today though.. I got 20/20 on my assignment, found my three hole punch AND my post it notes, and my sweet friend bought me coffee and loaned me lunch money. When you're having a bad day, you appreciate the little things so much more ♥

I hope to be back with a more sane post in the next couple of days.

Giving Thanks

2010-10-11T21:52:00.003-04:00

My loving boyfriend, Blaine ♥
Our two adorable kitties
A beautiful place to call home
Good food to eat
A reliable vehicle to get around in
Awesome friendships
Supportive families
Cozy slippers
A paid education (so thankful for this!)
Our health
My creativity
Special times spent with the ones I love
Each and every blog reader and online friend I've made :)
Warm hats
Mom's turkey
So many other things that make our lives together extra sweet.

A quick recap

2010-10-11T13:15:00.000-04:00

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I was hoping to find some time to blog over the weekend.. but it just didn't happen. Thankfully, here in Canada there's no school today because it's Thanksgiving. I have a day to catch up :)

Friday:

1. I got my transcript for the first course we finished at school... I did extremely well. So happy :)
2. I didn't have to drive because my friend that travels with us has her grandmother's car for a little while.
3. I took the time to get 'dressed up' in the morning, had straightened hair, and nice makeup done. All three rarely happen together on the same day haha.. so this felt good.
4. I really like my instructors. Every once in a while we drop everything and read storybooks. We listened to Ray Charles read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom on Friday. Sometimes the conversation randomly ends up at African Sand Rats (haha!) or decomposing pumpkins. I know I've said it before...but I love school!
5. We had a pretty relaxed night in with friends and I fell asleep on the couch while they were still here (this happens more than I'd like to admit haha)

Saturday:
1. Woke up on the couch and intended to get a lot done and possibly go thrifting or get lattes.
2. Spent most of the morning on hold and trying to figure out an unfortunate situation with my bank. Didn't answer the beep.
3. Listened to the voicemail: Mom's at a local strip mall and the truck is broken down. She doesn't have a cell phone. Dad's in Alberta.
4. Off I go to help her figure things out, end up running all of her errands for her while she waits for a boost. Guy who promised to boost her never showed up. Called a friend.
5. Two or three hours later and I'm home to work on my newsletter project for school. Spent all evening on it and then suddenly felt kind of sick and really tired.

Sunday:
1. We drove a silly-far distance for coffee in the morning (yay lattes!)
2. Took the long way to Mom's house to avoid construction and look at the pretty leaves.
3. Worked on my newsletter all day and then ate the most delicious turkey dinner ever.
4. We got to spend time with Granny :)
5. Friends came over in the evening, and I finished my project around midnight.

Today:
1. I have another project due on the same day (Wednesday) so I'll be spending most of today on that.
2. I'm pretty excited that Blaine is at Tim Horton's right now getting coffee and sandwiches since we ran out of coffee over the weekend. Turkey bacon club is my all time favorite tim's sandwich... my mouth is seriously watering thinking about it.
3. Lola's cuddled up on my chest as I type this. She's being a huge sweetie ♥

Look what I found online today!

2010-10-07T18:55:00.000-04:00

It's a bucket full of awesome-amazingness!

Caution: Visual Dexter spoilers ahead!

Dexter inspired posters by the super talented Mattson Creative

If they go on sale.. I want them all! Eeek!

He also designed some fabulous LOST posters!

(pretty sure Mom is getting 1 or 2 for Christmas!)

An adorable Star Wars video with the sweetest music :)
found here

All of you House fans... notice anyone familiar? ;)
It's Taco night in our house and I'm pretty excited.
Might take advantage of the nice fall weather and go for an evening walk too.
I love Thursdays. I love October.

Wednesday Evening

2010-10-06T23:41:00.000-04:00

I ♥ BOOKS!

I spent this evening working on a project for school where I design a newsletter for a child care center. It's the first project we've had that lets me get really creative, so naturally I'm excited. I have my template and color scheme worked out and I found some really cute clip art and pics to use. It's not totally required to go all out in the color and picture departments, but how could I resist? I'm doing a fall newsletter for the month of October (I could have chose any month but I'm fall obsessed right now).

Another super exciting thing about school is getting to order from Scholastic again! Book orders were always one of my favorite parts of school and I haven't done it since elementary school. I'm stocking up on some early Christmas (I know.. holy crap) and birthday gifts and getting a few sets for my own personal library. The prices are amazing and I love being able to order without a credit card again ;) I'm honestly giddy with excitement about this.. I'm such a little kid - and I love it. The two sets I'm most excited for are..

Scaredy Squirrel and Pigeon!
I'll share pics of my book haul when they arrive :)
Hope everyone's week is awesome!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Shop status

2010-10-03T14:31:00.000-04:00

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As you may have noticed, my etsy shop is down right now. Going back to school has seriously taken over my life (I couldn't be happier about this) and I realized that until I adjust to my new schedule and study load, I just won't have the time that I want to put into it. I really want to give my shop the attention it needs and I haven't been. I wasn't totally happy with the name (yes, I'm talking about the blog too), the look, or the feel. I've had so many ideas for revamping both the shop and blog but just haven't had the time. I'm not super good at web design, but my wonderful boyfriend is, and I know that he'll help me out. Thing is though - he's in school learning way crazier things than I am and has projects of his own in the works too. So for now, I'm giving 100% of myself to school. Ok ..maybe 3 or 4% to twitter, blogging, tv watching and thrifting too ;) This is a good thing, because I'm doing really well so far - not to toot my own horn.. but I'm really excited and proud of myself. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I'm accomplishing something important, and doing it well.. I love this feeling! That said, I'm sure that once I adjust and the fatigue lessens, I'll find time to juggle more things.

I'm not sure when the shop will reopen (hoping before Christmas, if not in the new year?), but when it does it will be sporting a new name! I sneakily registered etsy and gmail accounts over a month ago (I think?) and I've been doing a good job keeping it a secret.. but I think it's time. Today was a particularly great day and I'm in a good mood :) My blog, twitter, and shop will all be renamed....

ebbie-mae ♥

Named after both of my grandmothers, Ebbie (my mom's mom - aka Granny) and Mae (my dad's mom - aka Nanny). Nanny passed away about a month before my 5th birthday and I only have a few faint memories of her, but they are very special to me. Nanny loved cartoons and cute things. She loved the Disney movies and had every single one on VHS. When she passed away, they were split up between my cousins and I. She also had a huge collection of Disney figurines that were displayed on the dresser in her bedroom. I remember spending an afternoon together watching movies in her living room. I remember my aunt Catherine's wedding and being at Nanny's with our whole family. I remember spending lots of time upstairs playing in Catherine's old room and chewing gum from the 25c machine. I remember how much she loved her cat Baby, and how Baby probably didn't like a 4 year old me chasing her around the rose bushes. I remember that she didn't get her license until her 60s. I remember that she wasn't very good at pulling in the driveway and dad had to fix her step more than a few times. Nanny was also a very skilled at crochet. She loved all things crafty and we still have a few ceramic dogs and a cute clothespin reindeer she made at mom's house. I was four years old when she passed away in her 60s from breast cancer. I also remember writing a letter to her in heaven.. I think my mom still has it. I wish we had more time together, but the photos and memories keep her with me ♥

Ebbie, or Granny, lives across the street from Nanny's house .. and also through my parent's backyard (yes, my parents grew up across the street from each other.. boy next door lol). Her home is and always will be my second home. She is the sweetest, gentlest, most loving person I have ever known. She's a wonderful and adorable Italian lady in her 90s, and basically healthy as a horse. She lived for my Grampy, Duncan, until he passed away after a 2 year battle with Alzheimer's disease in April 2009 [rest in peace grampy, I love you]. I grew up baking cookies and muffins and cakes and all things wonderful with Granny in the kitchen. She's let me sit on the counter and help, and then lick the spoon of course. She taught me so much.. how to say things in Italian, about the Nina the Pinta and the Santa Maria (random, but I'll never forget it), about love, and sewing. She taught me how to sew on my great grandmother Roma's antique foot pedal sewing machine. She made Halloween costumes, dresses, costumes for school concerts, and so many other things for me. She sewed beautiful table cloths, curtains, and more for every occasion. She loved to knit and read poetry and go shopping in the old department stores downtown. We'd go in grampy's big old car and I remember the building had those air-suction-receipt-sending-tubes. Anyone know what I'm talking about? I hope so. My granny still loves all of those things of course, but at her age she just doesn't seem to have the drive (or eye sight) for it anymore. I encourage her to not give up.. I hope she doesn't! Granny is the sweetest person I know and I love her to bits ♥
Since both of my grandmothers were such a huge influence on me creatively and obviously mean the world to me; I chose to name my shop, blog, etc after them. My creativity and love are embodied in these little corners of the online world and it seemed fitting to call them ebbie-mae :) Hooked on Happy, the name and shop itself was a learning experience for me. I now have a better understanding of what it means to me, the styles and designs I love, the things I enjoy creating the most, and how to better reflect myself in my work. When I chose the name hooked on happy, I was thinking about the play on words of crochet-hooking.. but I don't know.. it's always felt like a bit of a stretch to me.. and I don't like the use of hooked. It sounds too much like addicted. If that's silly, I don't know.. but I'm ready for a change. I'm hoping to start redesigning the blog in the somewhat near future (within the next couple of weeks - no tests for my communications course!) and the name change will take effect then - on twitter too! I'll keep the status up to date here and on twitter in the meantime @hookedonhappy. This is very exciting for me and I can't wait to get started! Also, I'll be digging some old pictures out soon so I can actually show you the inspirational women behind the name ebbie-mae.
PS: Yesterday was really awesome, blogging more tonight :)

A rainy Happy Saturday

2010-10-02T12:38:00.000-04:00

So here's the thing. I have a million things to do today.

Mostly house-cleaning related.
I've been putting it off all week.

I need some motivation to get started... and coffee isn't working.
It's my favorite month, OCTOBER!
& I feel very inspired.
Maybe if I look at some inspiring pics it will give me the push I need to clean.
(& then I'll have time to play and create!)
Let's hope this works ;)

Billy Idol just came on the radio. LOVE.
Images found: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
note* a couple aren't original sources.
If these are yours - let me know!
(Damn weheartit)
We hope to have our cameras back soon and I promise to start posting my own pics again ;)
Also, I'll be back later with some info on the shop status.
Happy Saturday Loves!

Eye candy - Interesting Crochet!

2010-09-28T18:07:00.000-04:00

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Aren't these perfect? Love the little whale stone!

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via weheartit
I need a room like this in our house.

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I love this little pincushion! Amazing talent :)

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via weheartit

Mostly wanted to show the gramophone.. adorable!

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Simply fantastic. Check out the rest of her work!

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Spiders crochet too.

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Not usually a fan of gun stuff, but this is impressive!

Hope you enjoyed the eye candy ♥

Fall is here :)

2010-09-26T12:51:00.000-04:00

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via weheartit

The air is crisp, the leaves and changing, and I'm a very busy girl! I'm happy to report that school is going really well, but is taking up all of my time. I'm lucky enough that my day ends at 1:15 and I'm home before 2pm most days. The work is a little intense because we cover one course at a time over ten days and have tests every Tuesday, but I'm making it! Blaine is still over the moon and in love with his program too, and is doing really well (I'm so proud of him). I'm still so excited to be working toward goals we're both passionate about .. it feels good ♥

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A nasty head cold/sinus thing hit me this weekend and the timing couldn't have been better (note: sarcasm)! I'm working on a paper for school and trying to start studying early, so most of today will look like the picture above. My dad graciously gave us his old laptop so I'm enjoying the luxury of blogging on the couch/in bed again :) Bring on the tea and advil cold and sinus! But only until a certain point, because sinus pills keep me up all night. I'm hoping to find some balance with my days and time to blog more often.. even just once or twice a week.

Anyway, I'm having trouble adjusting to typing on this laptop (and not disturbing the track pad) and wanted to keep this short - so back to the books I go!

PS: How cute is this idea elsie had? Fall always inspires me to make our home as cozy as possible and I love soft lighting. Perfect!

Oh, oh, also, and! Blaine is the best boyfriend in the world. He just brought home popsicles, vitamin water and coffee!! LOVE.

Friday Night Thoughts

2010-09-10T23:27:00.001-04:00

It's a quiet Friday night around here... we're both tired after our busy week.

Blaine had an awesome first two days of school and aced his first test.

I've been so wrapped up in getting Blaine all set for school that I haven't really let it sink in that I'm starting on Monday. Holy freaking crap!

I'm ....

excited+nervous

scared+hopeful

anxious+open-minded

...but mostly excited!

Today I like:

♥ BBQ chips

♥ Who's Line is it Anyway?

♥ My hair in braids

♥ Naps

♥ A partially clean bedroom

Today I don't like:

x Izzy falling in the tub with me... again

x My hairbrush from the $ store smells like rubber boots

x Fear mongers

x The messy part of the bedroom
I hope everyone's having a fabulous start to the weekend.
Happy Friday, folks!

First Day of School

2010-09-08T09:33:00.000-04:00

Today is Blaine's first day back to school!

He's studying to be an Electronic Engineering Technician.

We got up early, had coffee together, and went on our way.

It's a sunny, but crisp, September morning - perfect for back to school!
(Pic is not from today)

On the drive home my mind was filled with memories of my first days back...

.. new teachers, school supplies, riding the bus with my best friends.

It'll be different this time around, of course, but I can't wait!

Only five more days to go!

With Blaine gone today, I kind of don't know what to do with myself.

I suppose I'll be productive.

Happy first day of school Blaine! I'm so proud of you and I love you to bits!

♥ xoxo ♥

cats! cats! cats!

2010-09-06T16:52:00.000-04:00

Hello! I've been quite the stranger for the last few days. Saturday afternoon we lost power and didn't get it back until late in the day yesterday. I miss Happy Saturday (again), and Becky suggested I take part in "Happy Caturday" posts - I was planning on both before the power went! So here it is... Caturday on a Monday!

Yesterday was Izzy's first real outing. She's been quite skittish since we brought her home, so I was hesitant to take her out without a proper harness. Lola was out with us and I felt too bad to leave Izzy in.. or make Lola go in early, so I fashioned a harness from some strings and took her outside. It was a beautiful afternoon and we were happy so spend some 'family time' in the sun while we waited for the power. Izzy was most happy on the deck by the pool chasing leaves, so that's where we stayed.

Lola checking out the pool

Izzy tried to eat just about everything... and loved it.

my pretty kitty

This is an oldie-but-cutie ...

Lola's a cranky-face sometimes, but they really do love each other!

These last two are from Saturday. Blaine, JD, and I all ventured out into the hurricane to take some pictures at the beach. It was so windy that I almost blew over once or twice! When I wasn't trying to keep my feet on the ground, I was holding my hair out of my face. It took me several rounds of brushing to get through the tangles.... (good job forgetting a hair tie, right? haha) All photos by my boyfriend.

Blaine starts school the day after tomorrow and I start a week from today. There's a lot to be done around here... house cleaning, car cleaning, organization, grocery shopping, laundry washing, etc. etc. etc! On top of those domestic-y things I have a lot of other side projects that I'd like to get started before I get too busy with school. There are some big changes coming for the blog and shop (new items, new look, new feel!) that I need to finish planning and start doing... I won't share too much until my thoughts are collected and things are in motion though. I also have about 10740123947 different crafty projects started. Embroidery hoops need trimming and glueing, crocheted pieces need finishing, ends need weaving... and I have a million more ideas that I'm dying to start! Must. Finish. One. Before I start another. Anyone else like this?

I spent most of today playing crazy eights with Blaine, watching House, and cleaning up. I woke up to Izzy with yellowy-orange feet and assumed she'd gotten into a mug with coffee or tea left in it. Turns out she thought a steel wool SOS pad would make a great toy and the yellowy-orange was actually rust stains. I freaked out a little thinking that she ate some, but there is no trace of rust around her little white mouth and the pad itself was still in one piece. She's eating and drinking regularly, and hasn't vomited. I'm watching her closely, but I'm pretty sure she's fine. I usually call the vet when one of them eats something strange, but they're closed for Labour Day. Like I said, she seems fine - but I'll probably still call tomorrow for peace of mind.

The rest of the day will be spent cleaning some more, crocheting pretty things for fall (!!!!), and washing rusty paws. I hope everyone's having a spectacular Labour Day weekend ♥

I'm excited for fall

2010-09-03T21:43:00.000-04:00

With the current heat wave we're having pre-tropical storm, I'm finding myself dying for a crisp autumn breeze! The kids went back to school today and it was close to 35 degrees with the humidity. I sure hope it cools down by the time I start! Here's a few things I'm really looking forward to... (click for sources)

♥ Apple Cider from Tim Hortons

♥ The leaves changing colors

♥ Walks in the park with a warm drink, crunching leaves under my feet

♥ Tights, boots, scarves, hats...

♥ Halloween!

♥ Going back to school

♥ Working on some big things for the shop & blog! ;)

♥ Cooler weather

♥ Fall decor - inside and out

♥ Also, I brought home some vintage treasure today:

.♥♥♥.

Yesterday :)

2010-09-02T11:56:00.000-04:00

Was freaking amazing!

It was long and tiring, but so, so good.

We sold the Jeep!!!!

Then we treated ourselves to a little bit of shopping.

I stocked up on yarn for some secret projects I'm working on (I promise to share soon-ish!), and found some cute clothes for super cheap! I'm kind of in love with the red dress...

New Dickies backpack for school.. I'm all ready now :)

I realized that I haven't posted many kitty pics lately.. Izzy is growing!

She's still as sweet as ever ♥

It's super hot here today and I have a bunch of things I want to do before friends show up to swim in the pool.....so I'll keep this short. Hopefully I'll be back later with some fall love.

Thoughts...

2010-08-31T20:03:00.002-04:00

I'm trying my best to not be a negative-nancy tonight...

...but I'm not doing so well.

Someone saw the jeep last night and he was apparently very interested in it (my parents are handling the sale since it's at their house). He was supposed to call today and come back. No call :( My mom didn't tell me someone was interested at first because she didn't want me to get my hopes up. I told her she was being silly and that I wouldn't get too excited. Turns out she was right to wait... despite my positive efforts, I'm finding myself in a bit of a funk tonight. I guess the news of 'no call' on top of all the little things that were bugging me today just overpowered my positivity. It's just so important that the truck sells ASAP... we really need the money - we're literally starving college students now (ok.. maybe not literally.. we just have crappy food that I don't want to eat).

I hate feeling this way and I just can't wait for it to be over. I've mentioned before that there's an end date to our struggles... but 3 weeks feels like an eternity to wait. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I mean - where is the line between positive, blissful optimism and getting your hopes up (and setting yourself up to be let down)? I try to think and act like it's already sold as an attempt to will it to happen. I guess I took it too far when I started coming up with ideas for the money .. like groceries, new shoes for school, gas to go see our friend's new cat, and I've had a mad craving for McDonald's all day. I don't know... I'm basically just venting frustration here. I wish money problems didn't stress me out like this, but I can't help but worry. It's in my nature I guess.

I'm trying trying trying to keep sending positive buy-my-jeep vibes out into the universe. Next time I won't get so excited. I'm just gonna get in my pjs, watch the Office, drink tea, and pretend none of this happened.

PS: Anyone use Twitterific for the iphone or ipod touch? Blaine and I both purchased the premium version 2.0 (no ads, etc.) and now there's a mandatory upgrade to an entire new free app ... and our paid features are now gone. We're also expected to pay $4.99 to remove ads a second time. Is it just me... or is that complete BS? Can anyone recommend their favorite twitter app? I think it's time for a change. Ok.. /end rant :)

I'm sorry for all the negativity.. I really hope things change soon!

Weekend Recap

2010-08-30T20:37:00.000-04:00

Saturday was lazy and Sunday was good.

I'm pretty smitten with today too :)

Blaine, JD, and I spent the day in Sydney taking pictures and wandering around in the sun (all pics are by Blaine today). This was taken by a beautiful old church.

We saw some neat buildings...

climbed tree stumps...

and took silly pictures.

Have I mentioned how much I freaking love this guy? ;)

All in all it was the perfect end to a pretty crummy week!

Today we ran errands and snuck in a tiny bit of thrift shopping (bad cait).

I found a super cute green dress and a pretty mustard yellow shirt for school.

I can't get enough of mustard yellow lately.. new favorite color? I think so.

I know I skipped my Happy Saturday post this week... I'll be sure to make the next one super awesome.

Dear this week:

2010-08-27T20:27:00.000-04:00

Man oh man has this week been crazy! Last Sunday I did laundry at a friend's house and used an unfamiliar-fancy-scented laundry soap. I have very sensitive skin and I know that a bit of itchyness can be expected when I do laundry somewhere other than my Mom's house.... but nothing could have prepared me for the allergic reaction I was about to have. I was pretty irritated and itchy on Monday and Tuesday but Wednesday was the absolute worst. Thankfully, I started taking antihistamines and ibuprofen by then... but it was still pretty bad. I was in agony. The worst part was that I was trying to keep a happy face on and spend some time with our friend who was leaving for Edmonton on Thursday. I had to come home early to get in the tub, relax, and to basically calmn down and then didn't get to say goodbye. Things are slowly getting back to normal now and I'm feeling better... but still not 100%. Needless to say, I've learned my lesson. Expensive smelly soap=itchy hell.
I can't remember what I did on Monday (it's just been one of those weeks...) but Tuesday we ran errands. First we went to my school to pay the last fee before classes start and to update them on my 'funding situation'. I decided to hold off on signing my student loan papers for a few more days just in case I was approved for (non-repayable!!!) funding from the province. Good thing I waited .... because as soon as I got back to my car I got a call saying I was approved!!!! I went back and told the school right away :) It was super lucky that they called me then because it's a 24.3km drive (I know this because I had to put it on one of the forms for calculating gas needs or something....so much paperwork) and I would've been a total crankyface if I had to drive back in. That's because after meeting a friend for a few minutes I had to go to the huge police station that I've never been to before and pay for a criminal record check for school (working with kids). I was a little intimidated but managed to find my way in and get it done. They needed to know my weight and height though... and I honestly have no idea how tall I am. So that's what I told her and she guessed - haha! Is it weird that I don't know? I haven't grown much (if at all) since my early teens and I haven't put much thought into it since. Maybe that's weird. Anyway - I survived the police station and then had to take my car to get the front left tire fixed. The original plan was to go to the DMV to return the plates from the jeep, but my dad called out of nowhere and told me he made an appointment for us that day. The tire was resealed, the check engine light is now off, but apparently we need a new gas tank - awesome. I'm pretty sure I napped forever once I got home, but the rest of the night is a bit of a haze. That might sound weird but when my head is abuzz with anxiety, paperwork, rushing around, calling government people every day, and finding creepy little black caterpillar like bugs on the floor ... the rest of my brain function kind of turns to mush for a while. I take long breaks after stressful situations (once everything important is done - I'm not totally useless haha).
Wednesday was bad. I think I'll leave it at that.. and yesterday Blaine and I got up early to go to the DMV. Before we left though, we tore the entire apartment apart looking for the elusive second license plate which apparently doesn't exist. We waited about an hour at the DMV and found out we were getting a pretty sweet refund.. unfortunately we have to wait 3 weeks for it. After that we went to a 'group signing session' for the provincial funding we're receiving. There were more than 80 people there and we all needed to fill out forms, ask questions, and have them checked after listening to a presentation. It took us forever to get out of there. We're getting so close to having everything finalized.. just a few more forms and phonecalls. We spent yesterday evening with JD and Chi playing guitar hero.
Today we went to the YMCA, the post office and the bottle depot. Our landlord told us our car door was OPEN all night. Then to my Mom's to do laundry, then the bank, drug store, a friend's house, and now we're finally home. I haven't looked forward to the weekend like this in a long time and it feels so good to be on the couch in comfy clothes. This week was a really hard one for me, but I can look back at everything we accomplished and feel awesome. It's been frustrating that every time we get closer to finalizing anything, we get an unexpected date for the funding to start. So far, between Blaine and I, we have 6 different dates to expect funding, each further away than the one before it. We've both been job hunting without luck and we're so close to starting school that it's making less sense to get a full time job. Ok.. enough about this! It's just a huge stressor in my life right now.. but knowing we have an end date to our struggle is the light at the end of the tunnel. I just wish the tunnel was a little shorter! ..and maybe that my microwave doesn't die.
A few good things definitely happened this week though, so let's focus on those!

♥My friend Becki turned 23 on the 24th! Happy Birthday Love!!! xo
♥She also got an awesome owl tattoo :)
♥Being approved for funding was pretty sweet!
♥Visits with friends, good times, and coffee.
♥Lola started snuggling with me every night again (I think I'm finally forgiven for bringing Izzy home).
♥JD gave me a really awesome vintage oval mirror that I looooove! I'll share pics tomorrow.
♥Blaine made me cookies when I didn't feel good because he's the sweetest.
♥I'm about to dye my hair darker. Goodbye faded orange!
Did I get carried away with highlighter? Who cares!

Manic Monday

2010-08-23T12:57:00.001-04:00

Good morning! I've been having a very hectic and stressful morning dealing with school prep (and not the fun kind). Phone calls, paperwork, loans, calling 3 different government numbers for info and having no one answer.. Arg!
I just can't wait until everything is in order and really set in stone. Dealing with things like this gives me a lot of anxiety and I'm looking forward to that moment in the (hopefully) near future when I can say "It's all done!" and relax.
I've known all year that August was going to be a hard month for us and I should've been better prepared. I've been doing my best to stay positive throughout it all, but some days the worries about finances and school prep just pop in and take over. We're both in an awkward position this month... Unemployed and waiting for school, very little money coming in, and no jobs to be had. All I can do is keep myself occupied, spend as little as possible, and wait for school and funding to start.
You may already know that I'm very impatient. Like, possibly the most impatient person ever. Sometimes I can't believe it's already late August, but most of the time I'm counting down (3 more weeks until school? Really? Ahh!).
I think its time for a late breakfast and then back on the phone I go. I should be back later with some happier things. Does anyone have any fun ideas of how to chill out and destress? Suggestions are welcome ♥

Happy Saturday!!!

2010-08-21T13:18:00.000-04:00

Happy weekend everyone! Here's a few things that are keeping a smile on my face today despite the cloudy weather :)

First thing this morning I found an envelope someone slid under our door.
First thought: It's Saturday... there's no mail...?
Upon further inspection it seemed something needed to be oiled.
It actually reads "Cait, call me ♥ Tan"
It's written in eye liner.. my sister's innovative and always makes me smile.

This might be a blurry picture of me with bed head...

But I'm loving my fun nail polish.

I can't get enough of orange, blue and green lately!

A beautiful doily pillow by becksorange

I've been working on this for the past couple of days. I want to hang it in the hall where you walk in our door. I was inspired by pics that Janel of Run With Scissors shared of her home. She had a similar, super cute home sign and I wanted to try and make one too. This is my first time sewing anything into an embroidery hoop.... turned out pretty good ;) The back drop is my favorite vintage sheet that I'm using as a table cloth. Can you spot the cat hair?

Twin kitties: Ronnie and Reggie
by paperdolly

Being almost 100% ready for school!
Blaine and I bought most of our school supplies this week and we only have a few small things left to do. I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait!!
source

Pretty hangers found by .elsie*cake.
I want to try making some of these.. maybe today?

pretty patchwork embroidery hoops
by lova revolutionary

Something I miss about Vancouver is coming across interesting coffee cup designs. I love my Tim's, but I miss pretty cups! This one found by bumblesweet is fabulous!

Another by becksorange! I loove her cute panda machine.
I need a sewing machine and some stickers. Big time.

Last, but certainly not least, it was a special treat to have a little conversation on the phone today with my favorite little terror, Carsyn. My older niece, Brooklyn, has never been into the phone. When Mandi and I both lived away she would never want to get on the phone to talk. It's such a nice change to have Carsyn want to pop on and say hi. She's growing up so fast and it's so fun to have little chats with her. She still gives little one word answers but I can't get enough of it. Talk to me all day Carsyn ♥

Blaine and I are laying low today. It's overcast and calling for rain, so I think I'll spend most of the day trying my hand at embroidery on the couch under a blanket. I'm also moving our big bookcase into our bedroom where it'll be more functional and fill some of the empty space we have going on in there. Is is sunny where you are today? I hope so!

Today I...

2010-08-20T11:31:00.000-04:00

Good morning lovelies!

♥ Today I woke up early...

♥ made coffee for Blaine and I...

♥ journalled and listened to 80s music.

♥ Today I love Duran Duran.

♥ I'm very happy it's Friday!

♥ Today I will call Student Loan...

♥ and cook pork chops for supper.

♥ Today I'm thankful for the best boyfriend in the world...

♥ the sweetest kitties ever, and beautiful weather :)

♥ Also, Hello to any new followers!!
♥ Today I feel awesome!

Perhaps I'll be back later? xx

4 Simple Goals

2010-08-18T20:17:00.000-04:00

NOTE I tried to blog this everyday since Sunday and kept running into problems. Hooray for success! haha
Last week Elsie shared a really great idea on her blog: to set four small, simple goals to be accomplished by 2011. I can't believe we're already in the second half of 2010! This year is flying by so fast.. Everyday I think about how soon Blaine and I go back to school and get more and more excited.
I like to make little to do lists everyday and set goals for myself. It helps me feel more organized and in control, and to stay on track. But I have a tendency to make the lists too long and get overwhelmed by "all those things that I have to do."
This is why I really like the idea of setting just four simple goals. I love how she suggested setting activity oriented goals vs result oriented
goals. Her example was: instead of "lose 10 pounds", choose something like "eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day." I think focusing on the positive process will help me stick to some of my goals :)

1. Eat healthier food more often.
This is one of those goals that's been around for ages. I tend to eat healthy in bursts according to our financial situation but I really, really want to focus on having better choices in the house for both Blaine and I. (I'm not trying to lose weight, I just want to get in shape and feel more energetic, etc.) I want fruit and veggies everyday! And yogurt! If feeling better overall isn't reward enough for doing this... Blaine and I really like the idea of scheduling regular dinner dates once or twice a month and I think it'd be the perfect treat for sticking to a healthier meal routine!

2. Develop a healthy sleep routine.
Another goal I've been neglecting! I currently have no routine when it comes to bedtime. Being employed on a more casual basis and not being in school does not encourage healthy sleep schedules and if I'm not forced into one, there's a good chance I'll keep on staying up until the sun comes up. On any given night I'll go to bed between 1am -4am and I'm up between 10am-12pm. I've been working hard already to start getting up earlier for school and I actually woke up at 730 today :) I didn't get up... but I woke up! I need practice.

3. Write every day.

I love to write. I'm not a poet or an author or anything.. but I've been keeping diaries and journals for as long as I can remember. Organizing my thoughts on paper has always helped me to relax and relieve anxiety. I am so enjoying keeping this blog but some days I just don't feel up to sitting at the computer to do it. My laptop would usually solve this problem but it's constantly overheating and won't open the posting part of blogspot. On days like these I need to pick up one of my paper journals and write. If only just a few thoughts. One of the main reasons I blog is to have a place where I can document my life that I can look back on down the road. Writing in journals has the same plus, but what good is it going to do me if I skip days, weeks, and months at a time? In short, writing is good for the heart and I want it to be a part of everyday for me :)

4. Add some color to my tattoo!
I've had my half sleeve for over a year now (!!!) and I'm dying for color. I've decided to make an appointment sometime this fall to get started :) I want purples and white for the bird, and turquoise blue for another flower not shown. I've been thinking about colors since before I got the lines done last July in Vancouver and it's all finally coming together in my head. There's a local artist that's literally down the street that I'm 99% sure I'll be going to. I can't wait to finish it!!

all images aside from my tattoo are from weheartit.

I couldn't hunt down an accurate source for any of them.

If anyone knows, please comment and let me know!

thanks xx

Happy Saturday!!!

2010-08-14T17:46:00.000-04:00

You know what really makes me smile? Photography by the lovely Danielle Thompson of Thompson Family-Life. She makes the most adorable digital kits, has the sweetest little family, and her home is decorated oh so lovely! You can view her flickr stream here.

Blaine and I are off to a wedding reception tonight so I'll keep this short.
Enjoy the eye candy and have a fantastic Saturday!

A few things...

2010-08-13T17:02:00.001-04:00

Happy Friday the 13th!
I finally finished the blanket I was working on last night.

I'm thinking about adding some doilies... thoughts?
Our bed looks so cozy and inviting now.. I can't wait to curl up with a book later.

(Better pics of the blanket to come)

I found some awesome floral school supplies at the dollar store today.

A pretty binder and a lined spiral notebook.

I'm in love with both :)

I get so excited shopping for school supplies, I can't wait to be all ready!
Also: I start a month from today - holy crap!!!

I totally forgot to post this yesterday but...

Happy 71st Anniversary to

The Wizard of Oz!

This is probably my all time favorite childhood movie.

So, so magical!

Summer Favorites

2010-08-12T20:36:00.000-04:00

Hello Hello! I thought I'd do a bit of a catch up-photo post and share some of my favorite pics from the last couple of months. They range from Canada Day to last Sunday.. (very image heavy!) Also: I let my friend borrow my camera about a month ago, so all pics today are by Blaine :)

Canada Day!

Brooklyn and her friend Madison

Trying to get Carsyn to look at the camera...

Typing lessons for Lola courtesy of JD

Crocheting with the top down isn't so easy

Driving fast in fast cars is fun...
... but not something I'd do everyday!
My 22nd Birthday!

The least blurry picture of the two of us...

Mom, my sister Tanya, cousin Cynthia

My friend Greg came and stayed with us!

Chi and Tanya arm wrestling
(My sister won)

Chi & Blaine ♥

Cynthia

Greg & I
Tony the Puppy

My friend Heather's new puppy Tony.. isn't he the cutest?!

I ♥ ♥ ♥ puppy kisses
Kamara's 4th Birthday Party

Birthday girl Kamara

Blaine found a frog!

Our friend Oldford and his little girl Kamara :)

And one last silly picture ;)
It makes me laugh, so what if it's blurry and unflattering? haha

Pretty Pretty

2010-08-11T14:05:00.000-04:00

Just a few cute & pretty things that I found inspiring this week :)

englishcookies

kristenaderrick

free.fred

tovemichelle
The rug and tablecloth are to die for!!

yvestown

PinkFriday

paperdolly

So many pretty things! Everyday I'm thinking of ways to make our home brighter and more colorful and I can always count on flickr to to inspire me. So many of you have tremendously beautiful homes and other lovely things!

Where I've Been

2010-08-10T23:43:00.013-04:00

Note: I'm having some trouble with formatting my font size tonight.. anyone else have trouble getting your text to stay the same size?

Oh my.. it's been quite a while hasn't it? About six weeks ago I wrote a long post that told the story of becoming pregnant and losing our baby. While I received overwhelming support and kindness from those who read it, (which I appreciate so, SO much) I still found myself pulling away ever so slightly from my blog. I don't know if it was because sharing something so personal freaked me out a little..or what it was. But I took a break.. from just about all things internet until about a week ago. Initially I meant to stay away for only a couple of weeks but we've been really busy and out of the house more than we have been in months. A very good friend of ours is back in our life and we've been on the go constantly! It feels really good to be getting out of the house more and being more social, but it's tiring too... especially when you're not really used to it.

We've been working hard preparing everything for going back to school and getting our finances straightened out. I won't go into detail.. but we're in a very tough spot for just this month and trying to make it work has been very stressful. Knowing that there is an end to this struggle is keeping me going.. even on days like today when our financial situation unpredictably changed for the worse and we're left with the headache of dealing with the bank and asking our friends and family for help. Thankfully, our rent and important bills were paid and our grocery shopping was finished before said chaos. I know it could be much worse and everyday I'm thankful for our home and the simple luxuries we enjoy (good food, heat and lights, the ability to call anyone-anywhere, high speed internet, a vehicle, etc.) I know we'll make it through.. only three and a half more weeks until Blaine starts school! That totally blows my mind.. this summer is flying by so quickly!

The most important thing for me is to stay POSITIVE throughout the hard times.. I have a tendency to become a negative nancy when things get tough and I'm trying very hard to change that. We're both very excited and optimistic about going back to school though. I'm not sure if I came out and said anything about it here because I wanted to wait until everything was final before announcing anything. If I didn't mention it before: I'm entering a 2 year (actually 19 month) Early Childhood Education diploma program at a local private career college. Blaine is taking Electronic Engineering Technician (2 years too) at the local community college. I've been interested in studying ECE for more than two years and I'm so excited to actually do it! It's something I truly have a passion for.. which is what I was waiting for.. I needed to be 100% sure before going back to school. I'm so glad I waited :)

This brings me to another little announcement. I've decided that my etsy shop will be going on hiatus while I adjust to being back in school. I know that I won't be able to give it my all for a little while, so I won't be relisting or listing anything new for now. I am planning a BIG sale in the next couple of weeks though, so if you had your eye on something - expect at least 50% off! I'm really not trying to make this into a pity-me-post but any support will be greatly appreciated by two 'starving' college students ;)

While I was away from the online world I celebrated my 22nd birthday (july 16th). It was a great day full of family and friends, good times and laughs. We've also been spending a lot of time in our pool. It's probably my favorite thing about our summer this year! I have a lot of pictures I want to sort through from the last couple of months that I'll probably post later this week. This month we have a wedding to attend and my niece Carsyn turns 2 on the same day (august 14th). I'm also really looking forward to preparing for our return to school.. especially shopping for school supplies!! (I'm such a nerd)

I'm glad to be back to blogging and I plan to continue throughout the school year. I think I'll keep doing Happy Saturday posts and I really want to focus on sharing inspiration, vintage and handmade finds, and other creative types who I admire. I also made a list of fun blog topics to keep me motivated to post regularly again. Being a part of the blog community has been a great experience for me and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reads, stuck around during my absence, and takes the time to leave nice comments - it means so much to me ♥

On a random note: Blaine and I have become slightly addicted to The Office so we'll be spending the rest of the evening watching it. Goodnight all xo

Made me smile

2010-06-27T13:50:00.000-04:00

I should really start blogging more than once a week! Sorry I missed Happy Saturday.. but here's some highlights of the past week :) [all pictures before the last two by Blaine]

home made peanut butter cups

(blaine loves them but they're too sweet for me!)

this pretty face.. this is not upside down haha

this pic Blaine took of one of the local beaches

[that's a power plant and giant windmills in the background]

I haven't been to my favorite beach yet this year and I'm dying to!

♥

taking pictures at the park up the street

I made the cats a tissue paper pompom and strung it up with baker's twine.

It lasted for 3 or 4 days - I couldn't believe it.

They both loved it though, I'll be making more.

I used Rachel's instructions for paper flowers.

We're both still laughing at this picture of Lola, 4 days later.

This was mid-yawn and one of the funniest pictures of her to date.

Also:

* finally beating the hardest song in guitar hero

* seeing our car's shiny new paint job

* we're getting the car tomorrow!!

* catching up with an old friend we haven't seen in 2 years

* We've been having beautiful weather
* Playing with my nieces
* My sister is officially a Junior Esthetician!

* The pool is almost ready!!!

* My Kurt Halsey package should arrive soon :)
* Funniest quote of the week:

"WHERE'S OUR FRICKIN' LOAF?!?!"

-Blaine

I covet this deer collection

& I want this in every window

Last but not least, THIS felt artist is amazing. Seriously blows my mind.
How was your week?

Happy Saturday!!!

2010-06-19T14:44:00.000-04:00

First of all I wanted to thank all of you who responded to my last post - either in the comments, by email, twitter, or facebook. It touches my heart that you took the time to leave kind words and I truly appreciate each and every one. I have so many sweet blog readers and I just really want to thank you for reading and helping me smile that day. You guys rock my socks :)
It's been a few weeks since I did a happy saturday post and I think it's about time that the sad post gets bumped down a little. So, without further a do....here are a few things I LOVE today.

Smoothies!

This amazing Orla Kiely cupboard.. *swoooon*

Dear ocean - I'd be lost without you.

My SX-70 ♥

Adorable socks by Little One & Co

Rachel's fabulous vintage sewing machine.

What a treasure!

[other images linked to sources]

I have to spend some time at my sister's friend Carrie's house today in preparation for another round of modeling for their provincial esthetician exam on monday. It sure is nice to get free pampering but it takes sooo long and I have to do it 4 times.. so I'm really just waiting for it to be over. Some friends are getting together tonight for birthday drinks and a bonfire, a friend is home from away for the weekend, and god only knows what else is going to come up today.. so I'm quite a busy girl. I hope I can find some time later to post my latest journal pages for the 30 day challenge (I'm really enjoying it!) .. we shall see. Happy Saturday folks :)

Our Baby

2010-06-16T20:20:00.006-04:00

*EDIT: just noticed that part of a paragraph was deleted.. all fixed now!

Blaine and I moved to Vancouver, British Columbia in March 2008. We were looking for better employment opportunities and really, just an adventure or two. Blaine found a job at a grocery store that focused on natural and organic choices where he worked in produce (and loved it! It was a great store). I started working as as barista at a cafe next door and fell in love with espresso. Near the end of the year I changed jobs and cafes and started thinking about going back to school. I'd been considering a job in early childhood education for a while and found a school that I loved. To be considered for acceptance I had to complete 50 hours of volunteer work with children five and under. I volunteered at a preschool, a daycare, and a parent/tot drop in hour. I loved it and had a lot of fun. I was so looking forward to school that the busy schedule and reduced hours at work were all worth it. That being said, I was also run pretty ragged. I worked at a very popular, incredibly busy cafe with very high quality standards. I enjoyed it and loved the people I worked for and with, but I was stressed and exhausted all of the time. Blaine and I had opposite work schedules and if I didn't wait up for him to get home after midnight, we wouldn't see each other for days at a time (I worked 6am-2:30pm, he worked 2:45pm-11:15pm). We had also moved in with another couple to try and save some money after returning from a trip to Cape Breton for my grandfather's funeral (which was and still is very difficult for me). I realized almost immediately that my childhood friend's boyfriend and I didn't 'mix well.' I had a lot of anxiety in my life already, and when it started to take over my life at home I could hardly stand it. I would come home from work, spend time with my friend until the boyfriend got home, and then I'd spend pretty much the rest of the evening in our bedroom waiting for Blaine.

It was June 16th, 2009 when I realized that I was late. I'm a paranoid person who's extremely impatient, so we went and picked up a pregnancy test right away. Being as paranoid as I am at times, I had taken tests before to ease my mind. This time was different though - I was over a week late and just knew. I sat in the bathroom waiting. Shaking. My heart pounding. I knew. I turned it over - positive.

I went into our bedroom and told Blaine. I can't remember what I said to him, I think I was in shock. I shook some more, cried, laughed, and smiled (talk about emotional!) We sat together in our cramped little room on the love seat by the window and talked about what we were going to do. I had just been accepted to school. There was no question - we would keep our baby, which meant that I would have to withdraw from the program. It crushed me that the first six months of the year that I spent working reduced hours, volunteering, and taking first aid courses all seemed to be for nothing. But in regards to the pregnancy, we were completely overjoyed. The next day we went to a walk in clinic at Broadway and Commercial and confirmed the pregnancy. We went to the drug store and picked up prenatal vitamins and then had a little celebratory dinner at the End Cafe. I had a really good hamburger and Blaine had a beer with his dinner. We watched a young guy freestyle rapping about everyone who walked past him on the street. The sun was shining. We returned home and told our roommates the news and my anxiety about our situation went away. I had bigger, more important things to focus on. I got my health insurance set up and found a midwife. We had decided to work for a while longer to save some money and then move back home to Cape Breton to have the baby. I was lucky to find a midwife who was willing to accommodate our situation (they're in very high demand in Vancouver) and see me for my first prenatal appointments until we left for home.

These pictures are from last June before we found out.

It was an amazing day.

In the weeks that followed I felt amazing. I started to eat right, I did yoga, and just overall started taking really good care of myself and our baby. I wanted to do everything right. I had minimal nausea, a sore back and boobs, minor cravings and scent aversions - the usual. Blaine would bring home the most amazing fresh, and exotic fruits for me to try. One day he brought home a bottle of blueberry unwine. It was basically a juice, but in a pretty wine bottle (completely 100% non-alcoholic), and oh so delicious. One of my favorite memories was the morning we drank it. We cooked a big breakfast complete with the most amazing chocolate chip pancakes I think I've ever eaten - topped with nutella, strawberries, and melon. I made french pressed coffee and we drank unwine in wineglasses. We stayed in pjs and watched bugs bunny reruns on the couch. We talked about introducing our baby to the classic things we love(d). It was such a beautiful and happy morning, full of blissful optimism and hope for the future.

don't mind the wrinkles

I bought a ton of books at Value Village one day, along with a few tops and dresses that I thought would be nice for when I started to show. I told myself that I wouldn't start buying anything until we knew what we were having, but I couldn't resist taking a peek at the huge baby section. I saw a little green blanket shaped like Winnie the Pooh's head, with baby pooh characters. I thought it was adorable and pretty gender neutral, so I got it. It might have been part of a larger floor-play-thing but it stole my heart and I imagined laying our baby down on it for the first time. It was the first and only thing I ever bought for our baby. Father's Day came and I bought Blaine a couple of books, one being Dad's Pregnant Too! .. I wrote out a card and signed it Love Cait, Baby, and Lola. I told my mom the news and she was supportive and happy. Blaine tried to get ahold of his mom for days - but couldn't. Unfortunately we didn't get to talk to her until we had bad news instead of good.
I remember the last day I was pregnant. I was feeling really nauseous at work and had to take a lot of breaks. My manager told me it was alright to go home early and I called a cab. I hung my head out the window, willing myself not to throw up. I told him to hurry. I got home and poured myself ont0 the bathroom floor by the toilet and cried and cried and cried. I don't handle nausea well and I'd been very emotional (I cried watching peanut butter commercials). I talked to my friend for a while and then went to bed until Blaine got home. The nausea subsided but I was experiencing strange pulling-like cramps on the sides of my belly. I assumed it was normal, my muscles were stretching and moving to accommodate our sweet, growing baby. We had recently started watching House and I had Blaine skip the episodes about babies. That night we watched an episode about a ten year old girl who had major body image and self-esteem problems. I have struggled with both in the past and my mind became flooded with thoughts and worries about our own baby. "What if we have a girl and she suffers from the same issues I had?" Thinking about it broke my heart, but Blaine consoled me and I eventually fell asleep. It was a hard day. *Note: The next two paragraphs may be a tad TMI for some people, consider yourself warned.
The next morning, Blaine left for work at 8am or so (his manager helped him get more day shifts to be home with me in the evenings once he found out I was pregnant.. we were both very lucky and thankful for how accommodating and understanding our workplaces were) and I slept in. I woke up around 11am, made some breakfast, and spent a couple of hours online. I was amazed at how great I felt - I wasn't sore, I wasn't nauseous, I just felt normal and good. I was looking at baby blogs and websites, checking out doctors in Cape Breton, and reading about 3d ultrasounds (we had been considering one since we decided we wanted to find out the gender). Thinking back, it was more than just feeling good that morning.. all of my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared. I went to the bathroom and was horrified when I saw blood. No one was home and I was losing my mind. I called the midwifery and frantically requested a call back. I called Blaine's cell phone a hundred times but he wasn't on break. I curled up in a ball on the couch and cried and shook and waited. Within the hour my midwife returned my call and explained the ins and outs of what may or may not be happening. She tried to prepare me for the possibility of miscarriage. She said that all I could do at this point was wait and see, try to keep track of how much blood there was (incase it was normal spotting). I continued calling Blaine and eventually called the store he worked at. I told him that something was wrong and he came home early. I stayed on the couch crying while I waited for him.
I continued to bleed, a small amount, but it was still there and had me terrified and freaking out. I continued exchanging calls with my midwife and she agreed to see me that afternoon. It was our first appointment so she took down our histories and introduced us to the way things go there. I was feeling twinges, but not cramps and she said that that may be a good thing. (Forgive me if this is hazy and all over the place, but that's really how my memory is regarding all of this) She told us we would stay in touch and she'd help us through whatever was happening. We held hands walking home and Blaine held onto his usual optimism. He hugged me and said he was sure it's nothing and that everything would be fine, and that he really felt that in 6-7 months we'd be holding our baby. I tried to think that way too, but I knew deep down that something was seriously wrong. I'll spare you the details of the next 10 days, but I was right.. something was seriously wrong. The blood kept coming, and the terrible thing was that I had to monitor and inspect somewhat closely to inform my midwife of what was going on. It was confirmed, I was likely experiencing a miscarriage. By the end of the first day I was in a lot of pain and started to become very depressed.
I took a few weeks off work, and Blaine got some time too. I spent 99% of that time in bed crying. The physical and emotional pain that I was feeling was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It would be a complete understatement to say that losing our baby destroyed me. No one wanted to talk about it other than Blaine and I felt very alone. I returned to work but it proved to be too much for me to deal with at that time. I hated having to smile and say I was good in return to 'hi how are you?" when I actually felt really awful. I went home early one day and requested some more time off. I ended up quitting my job shortly after that. I felt really lost.. I withdrew from the program that I worked so hard to get into, we weren't moving home and weren't having our baby. We decided it would be best to move back home anyway. Blaine gave his notice and we took some time to get our affairs in order. We paid our roommates our remaining share of the lease, bought the jeep, purged our belongings, and left near the end of July.
Blaine doesn't have his license, so I did all the driving. All 6,500 km from Vancouver to our home town in Cape Breton.. with Lola in her carrier right between us (she did extremely well). It took about 11 days, including the 3 we spent at my sister Mandi's house in Red Deer, Alberta. There were a lot of bumps and changes in plans along the way, but that's another story in itself. We moved in at my mom's house and then stayed with my sister Tanya for a while. How I managed that trip in the state I was in, I'll never know. Upon returning home and finding a new doctor, I was informed that I was experiencing a major depressive episode (aka nervous breakdown). I got help for my anxiety and depression and I've made a lot of progress since then.
The past year has been a long one in a lot of ways, but it flew by at the same time. I can't believe it's a year ago today that we first found out. I've experienced many different feelings in the past year, anger, depression, hopelessness, jealously, guilt, more anger, and frustration. I have had happy times too, but for the better part of the year I was a mess. I continue to feel somewhat alone in the situation (aside from Blaine of course) as most people consider miscarriage too taboo to speak about or bring up. I needed to get this out though, to tell my story to the world whether it wanted to hear it or not. I want other women who have lost a child to know that they are not alone. If anyone, anywhere, ever wants to talk about this, please feel free to email me. I want this to be a topic that is no longer kept hush hush.. I want women to feel free to talk about it and to stop shoving their feelings down deeper inside of themselves. Writing this post has taken a lot out of me today, so I think I'll cut this off short. I didn't say everything I wanted to, maybe I'll share more another day.
One last thing, I've seen baby blogs where women write weekly and monthly letters to their unborn baby. I wanted to do this too and never did. I've recently realized, "Why can't I?" ... I should have been doing it all along, I'm sure it would've helped quite a bit. So here it is, my first letter to our baby.

Journal pages and a sneak peek

2010-06-16T01:17:00.000-04:00

Hi there :) Just a quick post to share what I've been working on in the last couple of days.

My first two pages for the 30 day journal challenge (link in my sidebar!) ...
*Day 1 Introduction - Hi, I'm cait!
*Day 2 The best part of my day

And a couple sneak peeks at my first RVA Summer Camp project ;) Just a sampling of the pages I'm using to make my log book (It's not finished yet). How's everyone's week going? I've been quite busy lately and I have a whole lot of comments, emails, and blog reading to catch up on. Hopefully tomorrow?

I'm so excited!!!!

2010-06-13T22:17:00.001-04:00

... about two things that I purchased this week as early birthday gifts to myself ;)

First is this lovely set of 9 individual post cards from Kurt Halsey's newest show that opens June 18th. If you pre-order them now he'll include some hand written post its! I couldn't resist. Kurt Halsey is one of my favorite artists and, unfortunately, I can't afford any of his artwork. I was tickled to find these for $12.00 shipping included. They ship after the show opens.. I can't wait!!!

The second thing I'm very excited about is the Red Velvet Art Summer Camp!!! I've been meaning to sign up and almost died when I saw that today was the last day. I missed the last few RVA classes and I knew I'd be heartbroken if I missed this one too. So I pulled some strings and decided one more early birthday gift to myself wouldn't hurt.. especially because of how awesome it is! Plus it runs for 6 weeks.. it's the gift that keeps on giving ;) It starts tomorrow and I can hardly wait. I'm still waiting for my email with the info for the private blog.. I hope it shows up in time! I've been in a bit of a creative funk lately.. where I want to make things but I'm yearning for fresh new projects. I'm sure that RVA Summer Camp will be just what I need to keep my summer full of creativity!

Have any of you signed up?

If so, see you at camp ;)

camp promo photos from Elsie's blog

*EDIT*

I almost forgot! I've been following Janel's posts about her upcoming 30 day journal challenge but hadn't officially decided if I was going to take part. I was concerned about finding the right journal... and mostly about being too afraid to share my pages. I've decided to just jump right in and share when I feel I can. I've kept diaries and journals since I was four years old, but I've gotten away from my paper journals in the last couple of years. I took an online art journalling class once, but the style of art and the teacher herself really just weren't for me. I went back to just words words words words and eventually stopped writing and started typing. I want the best of both worlds! I'm thankful that Janel has been so sweet to put this challenge together and I hope I can stick to it for the whole month! I've been planning a bit of a personal tell-all post for later this week/month/notsureyet and I think having a daily journal prompt will help me start to look inside and really express myself again... and to dig as deep as I need to when I write that post. I don't know if that makes much sense... but it's a good thing :)

weekend in pictures

2010-06-13T21:59:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post to share some pics from our weekend!

How was yours? Fantastic, I hope :)

Standing under the bridge in town

Boats docked in Sydney Harbour for the Clipper Round the World race

Giant fiddle at the Marine Terminal featuring boats
photo by Blaine

pigeons showing off
photo by Blaine

Silly signs
A lion statue from Sydney circa 1901

The prettiest front porch

Blue stairs...

with a blue poodle!

A pretty house with pretty trees

Silly Blaine taking advantage of the resting bench.
This was in front of someone's house on the waterfront.
I love random, simple acts of niceness!
I'll be back in a little while with a couple things that I'm super excited about!

hello summer

2010-06-11T18:56:00.001-04:00

Hello! We've had the most beautiful couple of days around here and took full advantage of it. Yesterday, Blaine and I went for a walk and saw a baby duckling, some old friends, and happy dogs. We headed to my parent's house to take a look at the new car (awesome!) and stayed for supper. We came home, cleaned up a bit, and then relaxed for the evening with some good friends.

We woke up this morning and paid the confirmation fee for Blaine's school (his seat is officially being held! Woot!), ran some errands and then grabbed some ice coffees at Tim Hortons. We headed up to a local park that has a huge lake (? we call it the dam) in the middle. People fish there all the time and it's 1.3 km walk around. We walked around soaking up the sun and taking pictures. [*Note* all pics today were taken by Blaine - my camera died] We came across not just one duckling today, but three whole families with ducklings! Did I ever mention that I really love ducks? I do. After our walk we went to visit Cynthia and my nieces and found the yard FULL of kids playing with the hose and going down the slide into puddles. The picture above of Brooklyn and her best friend Samantha was taken today while they were 'sun bathing' on the step. I picnik-ed it up a bit because I'm not really comfortable posting bathing suit pics at their age. Carsyn was out running around in the middle of it all, of course, and Blaine got some great pics of her.

Isn't her top the sweetest?

LOVE this.

quack!

Ducklings!

Also, in the last two days I started two books and finished one. The first was The Five People you Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. I highly recommend this book to anyone who hasn't read it. It's a quick, feel-good read and a super nice story. I started Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer last night and I'm already 150 pages in. It's super good so far :) I've always been an avid reader, but ever since moving in with Blaine I've found myself reading less. I guess it was just something I did alone, or when I was in bed before going to sleep, etc. I'm making it a point to read more books - I miss it.

I hope everyone's having a fantastic Friday and I'll be back tomorrow with my Happy Saturday post.

Bye Bye Jenny!

2010-06-09T19:27:00.000-04:00

Blaine and I got some great news today! I may have mentioned before that I'm not super-duper close with my father and that we've had some issues in the past. He's a bit of a 'different bird' and we'll leave it at that. Since before I could drive he's been telling me that he's going to get me a car. I've heard this lots of times but always took it lightly.. just as a nice idea that I never expected him to follow through with. When Blaine and I were applying for school this year, he told us that if we both got accepted that he'd help us sell the jeep (Jenny) and get a newer, smaller, more reliable car.

I've written before about the jeep and how much anxiety it gives me.. its problems and expenses, etc. etc. and it's really just not a good commuter vehicle to get us to and from school everyday. Da mentioned a few weeks ago that he was looking at a car that belongs to the grandparents of the kids I babysit. I was excited, but still saw it as a semi-long-term kind of thing.

Today, Mom and Da dropped by our place and told us that he bought the car!!! It's a '99 Cavalier that still needs some work, but its in excellent shape compared to Jenny. We're absolutely thrilled and incredibly grateful for his help! He's very excited to have a project to keep him busy too (he's trying to quit smoking). We just talked on the phone and he said my uncle (who works at a scrap yard) hooked us up with a new bumper and 4 new tires. There's more work to be done after that.. possibly new brakes and then it's going to be getting a shiny new paint job!

I'm beyond excited and I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Knowing that there's an expiry date on driving Jenny will make it a lot easier for me until that time comes. I'm not 100% sure when the car will be in our driveway permanently.. but I hope it's soon :)

Thanks a million Da, you rock!

photo credits (as best I can)

all via weheartit

1 ffffound

2 whalecake's tumblr

3 fairybread's tumblr

4 them thangs

hello bonjour

2010-06-08T14:58:00.001-04:00

I'm back! I've been trying to post for a few days, but blogger seemed to be having some issues.. thankfully they're fixed! I just wanted to do a quick catch up post to share a little bit of what I've been up to for these past two weeks. (Warning, photo heavy!)

Me with Tanya and Mandi at T's graduation in May.

Me and Mandi

Me and Cynthia

Boa and Brookie love

A very large gravel truck shot rocks at our house at terrifying speeds.
Goodbye grass :(
My landlord loves gravel.

My SX-70 came!!! And a pretty little fawn from ebay.

I went thrifting and found some awesome stuff for the kitchen.
2 polka dot saucers (to match my cup) .99 cents
Pretty aqua serving dish 1.99
2 red stripey glasses .99 cents
4 plastic flower plates .99 cents!
I also bought a couple bowls that I looove but didn't get any good pics yet.

Close up detail of a fabulous vintage owl embroidery I found a few weeks ago. There's a matching flower one too, but again, I haven't gotten any other good pics. Both are part of a woodland-y/embroidery hoop/vintage display that I'm working on for behind our couch. I'll share pics soon!

One last thing!
I've been making granny squares all week! I'm using these three color rotations for a blanket and need to make either 60 or 72 depending on what I think of the size. 30 down and 30 to go, but I ran out of the turquoise. This is my first granny square project and I'm obsessed with them now! They're super easy and quick to make.. I can seriously make one in 15 minutes!
Well, this has gotten quite long and it took me all day to post (silly distractions) so I must be going.
But I promise that I'm back to blogging regularly :)
Also, a big hello to my newest followers!
I'll do my best to check out all of your blogs too!
Have the most excellent Tuesday ever!

Making Contact...

2010-05-27T16:02:00.002-04:00

from weheartit

It's Thursday? Really? Where has this week gone?
I haven't been online a whole lot and I've been in a blogging funk. Partly due to the stress-filled, emotional morning I had yesterday. Don't worry, nothing is terribly wrong.. I'm just sensitive to upsets like this and they tend to leave me feeling a little off for a few days. In good news, I went to see my sister Mandi this morning and Blaine and I are going back to spend the evening with her, Tan, and my nieces.

It's super-duper freezing out today and I'm seriously considering turning the heat on. Even for Cape Breton at the end of May.. this is cold. I'm wearing layers and slippers, under blankets, and closed all the curtains at 2pm to keep the drafts out. Despite having brand new windows, they're still drafty. It makes it really hard to enjoy my favorite spot on the couch.
Tomorrow is Tanya's graduation and then she'll be a fully trained esthetician! The graduation, dinner, and dance are all being held at a hotel. Mandi's fiance Raymond (everyone calls him WeeGee .. don't even know where the nickname came from) got 2 hotel rooms for Tanya, Mandi, Glenda, Cynthia, Leslie, and I as a grad gift so we can all stay the night and go to the dance. Tan goes to school about a 45 minute drive away so this is really awesome! Tan and Mandi's friend Nicole and her sister Angie are coming too.. which is also awesome because Nicole is our hairdresser (and because we love them too haha). Mandi is getting her hair done today but I couldn't go. Hopefully, hopefully she can trim my bangs for me before the dance :)
One thing I'm stressing out about is what to wear, how to do my hair, nails etc. Since it's basically beauty school I feel that I need to go the extra mile to try and look ~~good~~ decent and presentable. Most days, if I don't have to go somewhere important, I spend the day in pjs, yoga pants, or sweats, a tank top, and slippers. No makeup and unbrushed hair in a messy bun on top of my head. Lets just say I'm out of practice when it comes to hair styling and nice makeup.
I'm also a little stressed because all of my best girlfriends are getting together on Saturday for dinner and a movie.. and unfortunately due to lack of funds, I can't go. I've been missing out on get-togethers, outings, etc. due to low funds, fear of driving Jenneh (That's our jeep..say it like Forrest Gump. Do it. You know you want to), and my seasonal-hide-from-the-bad-weather-hermit-syndrome. I kind of feel left out of life.

Anyway.. this is sounding quite complain-y and I didn't want that. Summer is on its way and I'm sure my social life will perk up haha. What I'm trying to say here is that I'm probably going to continue being semi-absent for the next few days. I'll be here with a Happy Saturday post, of course, but my main focus right now is on spending time with my friends and family that are visiting. I hope everyone's having a wonderful week and I'll see you on Saturday :)

Much love!

PS: How adorable is this?
I'm still waiting for my SX-70 to show up.
From onelatenight etsy